May 18, 2011

not so perfect afterall.

Note: I found this rant in my Word folder of Current Writing Projects. I do want to warn you that the beginning is a little complain-y...
I hate it when people think of me as perfect. At times, it’s a compliment. Like when someone says “Hey, that outfit looks perfect on you!” or “Wow, that photo would be a perfect addition to your room.” But when people hint or straight out call me perfect? Well, it drives me nuts. I am not perfect. Growing up, I knew that from the start. Because no one is perfect. Okay, so I may study and get good grades but that does not make me perfect. I may be prepared, come to class on time, and actually go to class. But that doesn’t make me perfect.

Being called perfect makes me feel ashamed. Like I should try and add more wrongdoings to my life or something. It makes me think that I should go out and be rebellious or something. But look at me. I do not look like the type of person that would go out, party, get drunk, and have a one night stand with a fraternity boy.

So should I not try to be the best I can be? Because last time I heard, students (and everyone, for the matter) are supposed to do their best, and work hard. Or am I getting it all wrong? Is it really more attractive to be a hardcore thirsty-Thursday partier of a college student?

Back on topic. It really drives me crazy when people say “You’re just so perfect” in a sarcastic and annoyed tone. Sometimes they say it with a cheesy smile, too. Should I take that as a compliment? Because in all reality, I do not try to be perfect. I’m pretty sure I would die if I did. I admit I have a hard time talking and opening up to lots of people. But that doesn’t make me perfect. I have plenty of faults. And I’ve made plenty of mistakes. I may not go around flaunting them, but that’s because I’m a natural introvert. And being an introvert does not mean I’m perfect.

People wrote in my yearbook about how perfect I was. How good of an example I was. Did they run out of things to say? Why were they so compelled to say I was perfect? I got less than perfect grades. I didn’t go around sharing grades, but that was just because of a lack of confidence. I didn’t (and still don’t for the matter) have the confidence and outgoing spirit to declare my grades. So yes, I may strive for good grades. But there are plenty of other people who try to do the same. So that shouldn’t make me perfect.

If people really knew me, or at least took the time to get to know me—underneath this so-called perfect exterior—they would know that I’m not perfect. I have hurt people, I have been hurt, and I wouldn’t be surprised if people held grudges against me because of something I’ve said or done in the past. But God has forgiven me. I haven’t completely forgotten all of the bad that I’ve done or that has been done to me. That would be close to impossible thanks to my amygdala (thanks, psychology class…). Sometimes my past haunts me. I try to move on, but I haven’t forgotten. So I have a past. But I’ve learned that living in the past won’t get me anywhere closer to my future. And while it’s hard to move on, I know I have to. So no, I am not perfect .So please, don’t call me that. It only hurts my feelings. And while it may be intended as a compliment, it’s really not. Because you and I both know perfection cannot really be achieved here on earth.

Source: via Lisa on Pinterest

No comments

Post a Comment

© IN ITS TIMEMaira Gall