August 8, 2012


I've had this post written up, edited, and re-edited for weeks now. It's been sitting in the old blog archives as a draft, waiting to be published. I thought, I prayed, and thought some more about hitting publish for awhile now. I'm not sure what was holding me back. Then I realized it was fear. Fear of the unknown. But then I reminded myself that I don't blog because I'm perfect. I blog because I'm real. And this is a real part of me.

So as a warning: it's about to get wordy, folks. Grab something to drink or snack on because it could take awhile.

Let's continue: 

For the most part, I really love being single. But I admit there are times when it's more like choosing happiness instead of jealousy and misery.

But then there are the times when I really. I mean really, struggle with the fact that I'm single.


I've never been on a date.

I've never celebrated Valentine's Day with that special someone.

I've never been in love (in a romantic sort of way--because we all know I love lots of other things).


I admit, it's incredibly easy for me to fall into this singleton rut. I mean, the list could go on and on and on. This rut is especially easy for me to get into because I'm an introvert. I'm not using it as some sort of excuse, but I don't have the nerves to put myself out there for guys. I'm not that kind of girl. I sit with my parents at church instead of in the "college section" (not that boyfriend-hunting should be the focus of my going to church), and I live at home, for goodness sake. Most of my college courses are filled with girls, because teaching is still considered a fairly "girly career"(not trying to be sexist, just telling the truth--at least where I go to school).

Which makes it hard for me to score any dates, as you can tell.

Over this past year or so, I've really tried to embrace my singleton status.

I've really tried to look on the bright side; like "think of how much homework you're getting done instead of going on a date" kind of thinking.

I try to relish and enjoy all the time I have as a singleton. I have no idea how long I'll be in this boat, but I love --in the least selfish sounding way--that I get all the "me" time I need. I love that I don't have to spend money on Valentine's Day presents (my mom and dad still get me presents, actually!). I love that I can hang out with my family on Saturday afternoons. I really try to love it. And for the most part, I really do.

I've also tried to further my relationship with Christ. Because really, that's the relationship that should be the most important one in life, right?

And honestly, that's where I find the most peace with my singleton status. That's where I am reassured and encouraged to choose happiness. Because I know that He's got some amazing plans in store. They might not be the ones I've wanted and dreamed for, but they're the right ones for little old singleton me.


"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" -Jeremiah 29:11


p.s. is it corny to say that Jesus is my BFF? I remember hearing this in Sunday School years ago, and I think I've decided to use it again. Just for kicks.

p.p.s. I'm not trying to say that being in a relationship is wrong by any means, because that's something I believe God created for a reason and is something I'm truly hoping I get to experience someday. I'm just trying to make the most of my time as a singleton and spend less time envying everyone else. :)

For all you single or taken ladies out there, got any tips for a singleton like me? Any great verses to read or books to enjoy or things to do?


  1. i was single for a long while before i met my first boyfriend. in my opinion, once you're in a relationship you quickly forget the days of sitting at home wondering what it would be like to be on a date. it'll feel like no time was wasted waiting! so trust in the Lord that he is taking the time to find someone perfect for you. in the end, i'm sure it'll be worth the wait ;)

    and while being a singleton, i suggest writing down all the activities/dates/ideas you want to do with your future boyfriend. i did that, and my boyfriend loves how i always have a date idea whenever we're in need of one. also, spend alot of time with your girlfriends because i find that difficult to juggle with a relationship.

    1. Ah, thank you for your sweet words. It was really a struggle hitting publish because I didn't want to sound too needy, too pessimistic, too something.

      Trusting in Jesus is definitely what I've been doing. Lots of that. And lots of patience practice, too. I think those two come hand in hand.

      That sounds like a great idea! Especially since I always seem to have troubles thinking about things to do with my sisters, friends, and family sometimes.

      Thank you once again! :)

  2. Firstly, sorry for taking so long to comment here. My mind has been going over this post since you wrote it, and I'm here now to tell you my story. During college, I had one long term relationship that ended badly and then a few here and there boys. Nothing too special. But then after college, nothing. Not even the promise of a first date for two years. But you know what, during that time, I didn't feel like I noticed it too much. I was building my career, spending time with friends and family, and doing all sorts of crafty stuff. But then, I started to feel a little restless and I started praying A LOT about it. After a few tearful nights, during a conversation with God, suddenly I felt like I was ready. I even said it out loud " I am so ready", and somehow even though nothing had changed, something really had. less than 3 months later, I met my now-fiance. I don't know what it is, but I know that He knows when we are truly ready and brings people into our lives at just the right moment.

    1. Thanks for speaking (or writing) from the heart. I already feel so much better after having hit publish on this post.

      I feel like I can relate to you in so many ways! I have those focused days + those restless days. After reading your note, I was reminded that His plans really are the best ones. Thanks for the kind encouragement! :)

    2. And congrats to you + your fiance!

  3. Wow, this sort of takes me back a little bit. And I'm glad. Because I think when you do get in a relationship, you can forget about these thoughts... these longings... and frustrations. And I even feel a bit twerpy even saying that because it was not that long ago that I was in a similar position.

    My boyfriend is my first trueeeee boyfriend. And I didn't have my first kiss until I was 23! (GASP!) And one of my close friends, Amy, didn't have a boyfriend or her first kiss until she was 28. And I forget about the years of wondering and hoping and longing. Even if you had your own thing going on and were happy... still.

    I know you wrote this a while ago, but I guess I can tell you from the "other side" that it's worth waiting for. And I know you know that, but I want to just reiterate it. When I had met Tyler, I had just about given up... not on love, but I had let it go. I had finally become fine with being single and alone. Truly. Like, not looking or even hoping. And I was fine with if that was what it needed to be for the foreseeable future.

    So, when I met Tyler at that wedding, it was a shock -- but in some ways, I think that's what allowed it to happen because I finally had no expectations in my mind and I wasn't looking for anything or overanalyzing. (And I'm not saying that's what you are doing at all... just sharing.)

    Anyway, as we progressed in our relationship and I got surprised everyday at how well we got along and how much this person wanted to speak to me as much as I wanted to speak to him, I started realizing that... what I had wanted really existed. What I was looking for was really out there -- and now in front of me. And it was so worth it. So worth it. And I've heard the same from other late-bloomers, too.

    So, I know it might not be a comfort at this time and I forget that... I forget sometimes how I felt because so much has shifted and this... being in this relationship is so natural. But this is a reminder for me to not take it for granted but also to remember what it was like before.

    I know this has been long, but one other thing: I was reading your blog the other day and I just smiled to myself in a sense of knowing. I just thought, "Kiki is going to be SO HAPPY when she gets into a relationship." Not because it will provide you with happiness, but I just know it will be a healthy, joyful, soul-nourishing relationship -- exactly what you deserve. And one day you'll be saying the same thing, reading this blog post and thinking, "Oh yeah, I forgot that I used to feel like that." :)


    1. This is going to sound sappy, but I have to tell you that this comment literally brought tears to my eyes. It's rare that I find someone else in the blogging world who is so honest and kind-hearted and thoughtful and sincere, but I have found that and so much more whenever I read a comment of yours! Seriously, reminding myself that there are people out there who DON'T have boyfriends or didn't have boyfriends until their twenties is something so rare these days (especially in the blogworld sometimes!). So thank you for reminding me that there are people like me in the world and I'm not the only one.

      Secondly, I love and admire that you were content in your singleness status before your relationship with Tyler. I think that it's realizing that a relationship doesn't define you but adds to you that makes a good relationship. And like you mentioned, the acceptance and contentment also also brings a bit of surprise when that relationship does unfold, too!

      Thirdly, this comment is definitely a comfort. Believe it or not, just last night I was writing a letter to that future boyfriend (I have a journal for him which is yet just another sign that I'm a sappy girl) and I was also going through a moment of weakness in my singleton status. But I have hope and I'm just trying not to let it spin too far out of my control (and into crazy dreams which too often lead to sadness or envy of others in the end).

      Lastly, that thought you had was what brought me to tears and is bringing me to tears as I type this up. Thank you for telling me that this wait is worth it.

      p.s. I know for a fact I'll look back on these posts someday and realize how grateful I am. And it'll likely bring tears to my eyes, too! :)


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