March 21, 2013

sad, scared, and happy.

college
a typical weekend.

Dear college years,





























It's hard to believe we've been a part of each other's lives for so long. As cliche as it is, it seems like just yesterday I was walking around campus on the day before my first day of college searching the streets for my new classes. Boy, those times were scary. And exciting. And full of newness and sleepless nights. Honestly though, it makes me a little sad that it's all come to an end. I guess it's just hard to believe that I'll soon be closing this chapter of my life and turning the page to a new one.

It'll be weird not lugging my twenty-pound backpack around campus and having little anxious moments wondering if I'll be able to make it through another term. It'll be weird not having to open up an email telling me what textbooks I need and how much tuition costs for the upcoming term. It'll be weird not studying for midterms and finals. And weird that I'm not going to make new friends in classes.

It's a little sad, too. There are times when my mind wanders to the regrets of choices I made in college. I regret not taking Spanish like I did in high school. I regret not going to the college Bible study at my church. I regret not taking more dancing classes, too.

flower
one of my favorite campus sights.
But then I remember all that I did learn and grow from in college. I learned what cramming means. I learned that teaching is a real career and that it deserves more recognition than it gets. I learned that there are people with passions like mine. And that most people finally accept themselves such that they can truly accept others, too.

Oh, and I should probably mention that I learned what it means to have real relationship with Christ. Sure, mine is still growing, but it's real and that's what matters.

I guess I'm just a little sad that this chapter is ending. I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss my second home, my favorite workspace at the library, my favorite classrooms and teachers. I'm going to miss my fifteen minute afternoon walks around campus. I'm going to miss the preschoolers and that "campus" feeling. You know, that blending in, that I'm a young person feel. It's hard to describe, but I'm going to miss it nonetheless.

I'm also a little scared, too. Scared about what comes next and that I don't know what that is yet. Scared that this is ending earlier than I expected. Scared that I'm finishing earlier than my friends are and am moving on without them. Scared that I'm going to miss out on something. Just scared.

building
love this building.
And while I'm sad and scared to see you go, I'm happy, too. Happy that I can take a break from constant schoolwork, paper writing, and textbook reading. Happy that I can focus on what God wants me to do next. Happy that I can save my money instead of spend it on your always-increasing bills. Happy that I've accomplished so much and learned so much, too.

So thank you for what you've taught me. Thank you for shaping me, for embracing me, and for showing me who I really am.

molasses
one of my favorite required reads.
I would say that I love you, but that might be an exaggeration. Because really, your tuition is no joke. So I'll end with a simple, I'm going to miss you. Some days more than others. But know that you'll always be a huge part of my life that I hope to never forget.

Love, me

p.s. I'm glad you're only a short drive away. Because I will most definitely be visiting again soon.

24 comments

  1. I regret not taking language lessons as well, but you can always come back to something if you really want it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I totally remember all those feelings my last semester of college; it's so sad thinking that such a great chapter of your life is ending. Don't worry, life after college is full of new adventures :) (And the no homework thing? Awesome.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for that! Seriously, I think I sometimes concentrate too much on what I might miss instead of what I have to look forward to--especially not having homework and not having to study! :)

      Delete
  3. I never even went to college at all. Never hadn't any desire for extra schooling. A few years ago I began considering the possibility...but when I though of the money required *gasp* and the fact that I'm not the typical "college age" and so would, in some degrees, be a lot older than the typical student...I was like, "nah!" I'm happy, though! I certainly don't mind missing out on all the late night studyings, scary "where do I go?" moments and of course, that pile of unavoidable bills that would have been my friend if I'd ever gone! But my friend, I KNOW how hard change is! I'm the person who HATES change with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns...and this is a BIG change for you! You can always pull out you text books for a loving caress when you need to. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Schooling definitely has its up and downs, especially all the money it takes to go! That's one of the biggest reasons why I'm living at home right now. That, and I actually love my family (don't tell them I said that, though!).

      But I could totally see you going to college! A lot of the people I know in college are actually not the typical college age (what is typical, anyway?) so you could do if you want! But either way, college or no college, life changes are hard! As much as I'd like to say I love changes, I really don't. So I've definitely been using this time to embrace this newfound freedom of mine. :)

      And yes, I still have a few textbooks that can be pulled out whenever I get bored and suddenly feel like reading them. In all reality, they'll probably just gain some dust on them, though!

      Delete
  4. Congratulations on being done! I remember that being such a freeing but heart wrenching feeling. I'm so glad college was where you fell in love with the Savior! He will get you through whatever is next in life! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, girl! Yes, I'm definitely having that freeing yet heartwrenching feeling right about now. And yes, I am also so glad my college years were when I really fell in love with Jesus. I grew up in a Christian home, but didn't really come to Him in more personal way until I was 18 or so.

      And thanks for your sweet words! It's so encouraging to know that there are people out there willing to read what's on my mind and that are so encouraging, too! :)

      Delete
  5. Congrats on finishing!! Ending college is bittersweet... Since graduation 3 years ago (yikes!) I have not for a second missed the studying, homework, cramming for tests. I do however miss the on campus feeling. I miss being able to walk to the library, grab a coffee, and be seconds away from all my best friends. College is unforgettable. It's a huge time of growth and figuring out life... but such amazing things wait on the other side. God has huge plans for you!! And it's so so scary to think about, but it's all in His timing. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Angela! I'm with you, I will definitely not miss studying, doing homework, and cramming for tests! But yes, it is definitely bittersweet. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who misses the campus feeling! I had no idea how much I would miss it, but I really do. I loved how close everything was and how it seemed like a totally different city within the city I call home. :)

      And yes, everything is in His timing! Thanks for the sweet words and encouragement on that. It definitely is scary, but I know that His plans are good for me (even if it's hard for me to remember sometimes!).

      Delete
  6. ohh I miss college pretty regularly. the feelings of being young and carefree and not worried vanish all too quickly. savor it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I most definitely will! Sometimes I just want to fast forward and get straight to teaching so thank you for the reminder to enjoy life right where God's placed me. :)

      Delete
  7. I'm excited for your next chapter!! As much as I loved college, I have loved this next season even MORE! I hope the same thing happens to you :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad you think that! I'm definitely excited about this after-college life. It's definitely going to be weird, but I like the idea of actually getting to work and not having to study and do homework, especially on weekends! :)

      Delete
  8. I felt the same way, but there are more fun and exciting adventures ahead! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is definitely the truth! Now I just have to practice my patience and wait for those adventures to pop up in my life! :)

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Delete
  9. I loved college! I tacked on an extra semester at the end just because I loved it so much I decided to double major. I have lived in NYC for four years since college and, while it's been amazing, I still say my years at LSU were the best of my life. I remember that moment of turning in my check-out forms at the end of student teaching and my professor looking at me and saying "okay, thanks, that's it" and having this moment of like "Wait, that's it? Like, school's done? I'm not an LSU student anymore?" It was the most bizzarre surreal feeling. Graduation was not much different. It all didn't seem real. THAT SAID, the years after college have been INCREDIBLE, so incredible they led me back to school full time, and while grad school is not as adventurous, I'm still in love with school.

    I hope you have a great experience stepping into the next chapter of your life. I'm sure you will love it and whatever plan God has for you is going to blow your mind!! Soak up every second of being a grown up. It's actually quite fun. Oh, and go back to school at some point - I highly recommend it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a little weird, there were definitely times when I hated college (and times when I feel like I rushed through it) but now I think I actually really love(d) it. And I definitely know that done feeling. I have it right now and it is so so weird! I'm actually typing this right now thinking that I have homework or studying to do! :)

      And thank you for those sweet words! I know that God has some amazing plans in store for me--it's just a challenge for me to patient and wait to see what they are!

      And I definitely plan on going to more school! My goal is to get my Master's for teaching so that'll definitely require more school in the future. :)

      Delete
  10. kiki!

    first of all, congrats! graduating from college is no joke. you've worked hard for this!

    second of all, i totes understand all of those feelings. facing the uncertain future and the changes to come can be scary. all of my best friends moved away once we graduated, so that first year out of college was a huge adjustment for me. but it is good. it's a whole new adventure and a whole different kind of learning.

    third, the no homework thing. it is THE BEST. i had forgotten what it was to have a free weekend. enjoy this time!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Megan! My college years were definitely tough and I am constantly reminded how much MORE grateful I should be for getting through those years and having the chance to go to college, too.

      And I'm so glad I'm not alone with those feelings. I definitely feel unsure and out of place (or just lacking a place, really!). And while I know I'm going to miss college, I also feel ready to try something new and see what else life has to offer.

      Especially the no homework part! It's such an odd feeling! :)

      Delete
  11. Official congratulations! I can't believe this is finally here for you! It feels like we've been talking about it for months haha. I know I'll definitely have these bittersweet feelings when the end comes for me, but as of right now, I can NOT wait for it to be over. I'll be praying for you in this transitioning stage of your life, girl! Now go and celebrate :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! And I was just thinking the same thing. I've totally been talking about it a lot! It's definitely an odd feeling right now, but I'm trying to enjoy and not overthink it too much (which is way harder than it seems). Thanks for the prayers! :)

      Delete
  12. what an honest, heart-filled, beautiful post.
    I wish i had written something similar before i left college. I remember it like it was yesterday, when in reality it was almost THREE years ago...where has the time gone?
    Stepping out into the "real world" is everything and more than you think...it is exciting, hard, challenging, beautiful, ugly, and full of wonder. It really tests who you think you are vs who you want to be. It challenges you to take big steps and big risks. It can also place in you in a rut of complacency if you aren't careful. Those are my "wise words" haha not really.
    Truthfully, i know what you mean...there is just something beautiful, comfortable even about a college campus. You fit in, you belong, you're growing, you're changing, you're being challenged, you're meeting new and exciting people. I miss my campus...every single day and even though it is only 20 minutes away i have yet to step foot back there again; i think it makes me sad that the season of my life is over...but i'm also joyful...because you are right tuition, studying, and papers are definitely no joke!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, friend! When I was typing this, I was wondering if anyone would read the entire thing because I didn't think it would be relateable or interesting. :)

      And I get you, it seriously feels like I just started college! Time goes by so fast.

      And yes, this real world thing is definitely an adjustment. I'm starting to realize how much more grown up I need to be (or at least act at times!) and how many risks I need to and have been taking. Growing up is definitely an adjustment! :) And thank you for those wise words! Fear is something that I've been struggling with and remembering that ruts are something I don't want to end up in is great motivation to me!

      I'm also so glad you get what I mean about college campus. I'm glad I'm not the only one who misses it but who also realizes that moving on is good, too. :)

      Delete

© IN ITS TIMEMaira Gall