July 15, 2013

SINGLENESS | I HAVE GOOD DAYS, TOO.


Not too long ago I came to the realization that I only post about my singleness when I feel the weight of my relationship status (or lack thereof). I've rarely shared about the good days because I don't want to come across as one of those my-life-is-always-put-together kinds of girls. It's just not who I am or was made to be. I also feared sharing this because I didn't want to make those who are currently struggling with singleness feel even worse (because trust me, I know those feelings all too well!).

On the other hand, I want people to know that good days are on the horizon. And not only are they on the horizon, but choosing joy means making an effort to find them, too. Plus, I need to make sure that God gets the praise and shout outs that He deserves when these good days come my way, right?

That being said, I wanted to take some time today and write what's been on my heart lately as a single girl. I want to tell you that, like everything in life, there are good days and bad days. And I want to encourage you as a girl who's waiting for that human hunk of hotness that Jesus is the man for you.

puppy
It's weird for me to say it, but I'm content and happy with my singleton status. And I'm being honest about it, too. Okay, so I'm not 100% happy about it, because that would be too close to perfection for me, but 99% content. I really and truly am happy with where I'm at. Sure, I still wish that guys like John Krasinski were single and my age--did I just announce that to everyone?--but I'm not obsessing about being single anymore.

I'm especially happy that I finally believe and not just nod my head to the fact that Jesus is my man. I've read it and heard it thousands of times, but sometimes it takes awhile for these things to click for me.

So how did I get to this contentment? Well, I've realized that no matter what happens and no matter what I do, Jesus will never leave me, never judge me, and never think twice about His love for me. And to top it off, He always wants to spend time with me.

That, and I actually trust God with this part of my life. I still struggle with letting go, but I'm starting to use other love stories and my own relationship with Jesus as hope that God's plans will prevail and that His plans will ultimately bring me joy and happiness--no matter what they are.

So I guess I just wanted to tell you that I have good days. Not because I want to show off and tell you how great of a person I am or make you feel sorry about whatever your relationship status is, but because I want to tell you how great of a person Jesus is.

Because when you hand over your life to Him, great things will come as a result. And happiness is one of those great things.

pathway
 "The heart of man plans his way,
    but the Lord establishes his steps."
Proverbs 16:9 (ESV)

p.s. You should know that like every stage in life, I go through stages of singleness. Seasons where I'm happy, sad, excited, and anxious. And I'm really sorry if I've come across as a bragger. If anything, know that I'm bragging on how great Jesus is--which has nothing to do with me!

28 comments

  1. Inner contentment is good. You need to be content with yourself before you can ever hope to open your heart up to another. A kindred soul is out there, trust your paths will cross one day.

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    1. It really is and thank you for those kind words, Shelley! It's comments from readers like you that keep me going and remind me that hope is the best medicine out there. :)

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  2. I'm excited for you! That's such an important part of your journey to being in a relationship anyway. It took me a long time to get there, but I'm glad I did. It has seriously made the relationship I have no 1000 times better. God has amazing things in store when we let go and trust. I'm living proof of that!

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    1. Thanks girl! It's definitely something I still struggle with, but I'm definitely leaning more on the content side these days (what took so long?). :) I definitely agree and am glad I'm at this point in my life before I've entered any relationships. And that's one of the reasons why I love you + your blog--reading about your story reminds me that true love is out there and that God does have great plans. So thank you for sharing it with me!

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  3. girl do NOT feel like you are bragging! You are sharing where you are in life right now, and that is beautiful! :)
    I'm so happy you're at this place, content and even joyful in your singleness...i'm working on getting there myself, it's a hard process! lol

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    1. Thanks for that! I tend to worry a lot about what others will think and being told that it's okay to share my story--no matter what point I'm at in life is just what I needed to hear.

      And you're telling me! It's definitely a tough process but one that I'm glad I get to experience and lean on/encourage with people like you! :)

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  4. This was SO great--such a blessing to be reminded of & so where I'm at! <3

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    1. I'm so glad we can be at this point in life together! It makes me want to celebrate or something. :)

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  5. What a blessing that you're feeling this contentment, Kiki! I remember struggling with my singleness and finally coming to the point where I was fine with it! I'm thankful I got to that point before my husband and I began dating because it is even more special that God brought him into my life.

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    1. You are so right, it's definitely a blessing (and one that I didn't even consider as a blessing until now!). It's definitely been a hard journey, but one that has really helped me find God more. And I'm glad you got to that point before dating! I think that it not only makes your marriage more special, but it also just shows how much better life is when we trust God with our lives! And I'm so glad that I get to look at you + your marriage as a reminder of that!

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  6. Yay!! I've had so many of the same thoughts and it was like reading my own brain!! I'm committed to being honest about the hard times as a single but truly? I do LOVE being single at the same time and I LOVE my life. As much as I want my own hunk of godly hotness, I also don't like the idea of letting go of my independent single life, too. :)

    So, right there with you, Kiki! I love this post. And the pictures are GORGEOUS!!!!!

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    1. I love that we have some of the same thoughts going! It's definitely so reassuring and it definitely is an encouragement to know that I'm not alone (AND that we're blog twins again, even if we don't actually write the posts!).

      And YES! I so agree. While I cannot wait to experience a romantic relationship, I do love being single and I do love the life that God's given me. :)

      And thank you! We really need to take photos together soon now that I'm shooting in Manual!!

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  7. Contentment is the way to go. It's sometimes hard to find our place there but it's so sweet when we do. I agree that ever season has it's stages of sadness, happiness, anxiety etc. I am currently married and I am feeling these emotions with things that I am dealing with. There is always going to be a challenge no matter what season we are in. I am so thrilled you found contentment, it's the best place to be as you wait with The Lord for a new season of life. Thanks for sharing this God is definitely getting the glory for your life.

    Charity
    The Word of A Nerd

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    1. You said it girl, "it's sometimes hard to find our place there but it's so sweet when we do." That summed up my feelings right now perfectly.

      And you are so right, every step in life is a journey. Part of the reasoning behind In Its Time was because I had written a post awhile back on waiting and I came to the realization that we all have times of waiting, despite our relationships, careers, educations, and life stories. :)

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  8. First, I'm secretly in love with John Krasinski as well (high five)! Second, that top photo is absolutely amazing! Great job! Third, this post spoke directly to the heart. I definitely agree that there are seasons. Major seasons in singleness! And I love my life as well, doing what I want to do, going where the Lord wants me to go. But yes, totally waiting on that hunk to make his appearance! ;)

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    1. High five, girl! I've always sort of been secretly in love with him and while he's not my number one celebrity crush, he'll always be considered cute in my book. :)

      And thank you for the compliments on my photography! Hearing those words always make my day.

      So glad we can be in this waiting season together! And in my book us single ladies have got to stick together!

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  9. Thank you for sharing this! I totally agree. I have seasons when singleness seems like a curse while other days when I see a glimpse into the huge blessings God has given me in this season to serve and love HIm through this season. Some days are dark and lonely while others are filled with beauty and joy. But in the end I am thankful that He has a better and more amazing plan that what I could imagine.

    Elena

    elle-alice.blogspot.com

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    1. Hi Elena! Thank you for commenting on this. I definitely agree, there are days when I feel like being single is dreadful and wonder if I'll ever know what it's like to be in a relationship. But like you said, there are huge blessings about being single and for that, I am glad that I have this time to truly dedicate my life to Him and Him alone. Couldn't have said it better! :)

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  10. So glad to see you embracing what season God has put you in and using it to bring Him praise! Because honestly, no matter what we've got going on, it should all point back to Him anyways, right?! Jesus is and always will be the main man in our lives, and He loves us so much more than we can even comprehend. Such comfort in knowing that!

    PS- Cracking up over here because I have a super huge crush on John Krasinski too. He's just such a cutie pie!

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    1. YES. You said it. No matter where we are in life, our lives should be all about Him and glorifying Him. That's one of the reasons why I love that we have this difference. Even though you're in a relationship, we still have Christ in common and I continue to love the fact that He's the center of your + Matt's relationship. :)

      Ha! I love that we both have that crush in common, too. Did you see the video of him lip-syncing with Jimmy Fallon? It may or may not have made me fall in love with him just a little bit more. :)

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  11. Aww, Kiki! I never would have thought of anything you said as bragging... you had about 30 disclaimers for that... I think just stating that you're happy is fine without disclaimers... If people want to interpret that as bragging, that's more on them than you (and there are probably some other issues there).

    As for the single thing... I think people thinking that they'll get their happiness from another person or feel whole will be very disappointed. Honestly, and I know everyone says this, I found love when I wasn't looking for it... but I also found it when I became more content with myself. I didn't need. Love and companionship like that comes when we're ready and when we're ready is often after we've let go of what it "should" mean or how it would fulfill us.

    Like you said, there are so many great joys to be found in being single. I feel like I get both worlds being in a long-distance relationship. And I'm not downplaying Tyler's role in my life at all, but there are blessings in being single (like you've expressed). I think that it's good to give an honest view of both sides, like you said, and it doesn't mean you're bragging or complaining. You're just sharing your perspective, your truth.

    But while a sense of longing can be healthy, I think it's dangerous to think that things are "better if..." and that goes for more than just romantic relationships (I'm speaking in general, not necessarily directly to you or anything, btw!). Thanks for sharing this!

    --Erika
    http://www.chimerikal.com

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    1. I definitely have my disclaimers. Which is funny, part of that is from my upbringing where humility is everything (probably an Asian thing), another part of it is because I'm a terrible people-pleaser and worrier of what others think, and the last part of it is because I've read blogs where all that the blogger does is brag--so I didn't want to be one of those. But I'm glad you don't see this as bragging and you're right, it all comes down to perspective and how we see things.

      And you are so very, very right. I think that a lot of people hope that they'll be complete and happy when they're in a relationship. And I only know this because I used to believe this and there are days when I let myself think that. But like you said, you have to be content and happy with who you are before you can let someone love you.

      And yes, there are definitely joys in singleness! Often times they're hidden but they're there--as are the joys of being in a relationship.

      I couldn't have said this better "it's good to give an honest view of both sides, and it doesn't mean you're bragging or complaining." There is so much truth to that and I think it applies to many, many things in life.

      Love your voice + your words, girl! Seriously, I love how they get me thinking (in a good way!). :)

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  12. Not bragging at all!! Just letting your heart overflow from God's gifts to you. :) "Because when you hand over your life to Him, great things will come as a result. And happiness is one of those great things." Amen!

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    1. Thanks girl! I tend to worry too much about what others think (that's another post for another day!) and all of that can sometimes cloud my thoughts.

      And it's really funny that you re-posted that excerpt from my post because they were the EXACT words that I needed after a long day like today. :)

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  13. it is Jesus in you. and it is beautiful! you are one of the most humble and honest people I know :) xoxoxo

    praying for that one day man in His perfect timing and praying even more that you will continue living and experiencing the plan the Lord has for you know. you are a light!

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    1. Aw, thank you! You don't even know how much this comment touched me. And made me smile. And made me so grateful for our friendship.

      And thank you for the prayers, too! They're much appreciated--especially since my feelings about singleness have a tendency to change everyday. :)

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© IN ITS TIMEMaira Gall