August 6, 2013

SINGLENESS | CHOOSE HOPE.


It's funny, really. The whole situation. I've tried playing it all back multiple times in my head, like an internal VCR--speaking of which, does anyone even know what those things are anymore?--and the more I think about, the more teary-eyed I get. I'm a sappy girl and I know it. But that situation, that one-liner reminds me of the hope I need in my life. The hope He gives, if only I choose to accept it and live it out.

Last night, my family and I were watching Shark Week (still not sure about the craze around it, but there wasn't anything else on, so sharks it was) and during the commercial break, my mom and I were joking with my dad. One laugh turned to another, and the next thing I said went along the lines of "If I ever get married, then you'd better have your moustache!"

Now I realize that you guys don't really know my dad, but for as long as I can remember, he's had his moustache. And being the girl I am, I don't want that to ever change (it's like if your dad suddenly started low-riding his jeans--it's just something that you can't nor want to picture). Not that any of this really matters, but stick with me, won't ya?

Anyway, my mom's reaction to my joking statement is what's been bringing me to tears. She corrected me, in her kind-hearted motherly fashion, saying "when you get married."

I quickly corrected and restated my previous comment and our family laughed it all off and continued joking and watching TV.

But as I turned to face the television, I found myself tearing up.

It's not a matter of if's it's a matter of when.

You know, sometimes I tell myself that I might not ever get married, just to lower my expectations and standards. I did that with grades, telling myself I did "okay" or "terrible" on tests only to surprise myself when I got a higher grade than expected. It's an odd habit that I apparently just can't break.

But having my mom correct me reminded me of hope. And more importantly, how much I need to cling to and live out my life with hope. Hope for tomorrow. Hope for sunshine, and a good job, and getting into a good school, and meeting Mr. Right, and having a family, and so on and so forth.

And while I don't know what lies ahead for me, I do know that God knows my desires. He's got some amazingly perfect plans for me, and He knows that I pray for a husband and family. He knows, and I pray that He's preparing me for someone wonderful.

So today, I'm clinging to hope.

What are you clinging to today? What are you hoping for?

24 comments

  1. Interesting and lovely post! I love those hope-moments that God gives us, where He encourages us to keep looking on and believing in His ability to bring all things to pass!

    Interestingly enough though, I've found myself on the other side of that coin. Where when people correct me with "when not if," I find myself getting frustrated. For me, it's not lowering my expectations so that I'll be gloriously surprised if I do get married, but rather, an acknowledgment that I'm not promised marriage in this life, as much as I want it and as much as that being what women were created for way back there in the beginning. Often we "assume" that God promises something to us but that promise is born out of our own desire, not something actually founded in truth or the promises recorded in God's Word. So, I've been finding myself frustrated with the "oh of COURSE you'll get married," when actually, those people DON'T know that I'll get married.

    Anyways, that's just where I'm at with this! I'm sure I've got some misconstrued ideas mixed up in there, too, since I am such a cynic these days! ;) Maybe I can get to where you're at sometime soon, because it's a lot more fun than mine. ;)

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    1. Yes, those hope-moments are my favorite. They remind me just how great God is and how He is able, oh so able. :)

      And I so know where you're standing. I still know--and sort of alluded to the fact that--I don't know if I'll ever get married and while I pray and hope that I will someday, I still need to remind myself that no matter what, He's the greatest of them all and my greatest love, too.

      I also understand what you mean about hearing those "of course you'll get married's" from others. I know that those people are just trying to be encouraging, but you're right, the only person who knows the plans for us is God.

      Sending hugs your way, girl! :)

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  2. Kiki, this is SUCH a beautiful post. It really spoke to my heart, and I can so relate to what you're feeling.

    This Sunday, I was coming off of an extremely hard, emotionally draining weekend. I walked up for prayer during second set of worship, and told the woman what was going on. She spoke straight to the heart of what was going on, and prayed for me. At the end of prayer, she looked me straight in the eye, and smiled. She said "You're going to have a beautiful marriage, and a wonderful husband." It was completely unrelated to what we had been praying for, and tears just welled up as I asked "really?" She nodded, and I went down to the prayer carpets and just thanked God. It has nothing to do with my current trial, and yet He knew, it would give me hope.

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    1. Thanks, girl! Sometimes I wonder if what I'm feeling is the "right" feeling or thought so I'm glad it resonated with you. :)

      That prayer at church sounds like such a moving moment and I know that God made sure you heard those words for a reason. Sometimes it's those little moments that remind us that He gives us hope for every situation in life!

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  3. love this. hope is a powerful and wonderful thing. :)

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    1. You said it girl, hope is definitely a powerful and wonderful thing. :)

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  4. I'm hoping & praying for those same things, too, Kiki. That verse is one of my favorites. I've often wondered {many, many a time} if I'll ever meet a guy who God has planned for me & get married. I like to think I have a good imagination, but it's hard for me to imagine it really truly happening. Sure, I can conjure a daydream, but nothing that feels true. It's hard to put myself out there, in general, where I might meet a guy. It'll be bittersweet if {or when ;)} I get married, because my dad, who passed away when I was 13, wont be there to walk me down the aisle - or for my guy to even ask for my hand. It's hard, but if I find a guy it'll have to be one who reminds me of my godly father who I miss more than words can express here. Some days it's hard to muster hope that he's out there or that he'll ever find me if indeed he is, but I'm choosing hope today.
    Love for us Waiting Girls,
    -Bess-

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    1. I feel ya, girl! I'm the same way when it comes to putting myself out there. Honestly, as an introvert, I don't think that putting myself out there will really help anyone because that's just not an accurate picture into who I am. It's funny that you mention this because I was just discussing what "putting myself out there" actually means with another blogging friend! :)

      And I'm so sorry to hear that your father passed away! That definitely makes relationships not only more special but I can also see how it would make it harder as well. Praying for you, girl and I'm so glad I can choose hope with you today!

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    2. It is interesting about the "putting yourself out there" bit, because I contemplated not putting that in the comment - I think I even deleted it, but then felt like I should put it in for some reason, so I did. Crazy!

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    3. You're right, it is an interesting concept. And one that I'm still not sure what it means! :)

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  5. amen! Loved this post! I can totally relate to this, i've too wondered if i will ever get married, but I know that God's got it all under control and i just need to remember to trust him. cause we all know that his plans are so much better than our own.

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    1. Yes! God definitely has it all under control and trust is something that I'm trying to practice every single day (some days it's a lot harder than others, that's for sure!). And you're so right, God's plans are WAY better than any plan I could ever come up with. Wise words, friend! :)

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  6. This is so wonderful! We truly have such an amazing hope in the Lord. When we were in college, my roommate and I found out that only 5% of women don't end up getting married. Our thing from then on was to remind ourselves that it's unlikely that we're a part of that 5%. It completely changed our mindsets around. She's still not married but she's definitely still holding fast to the hope of the 95%.

    God is such a good God and He truly knows the desires of our heart. If He determines that you are supposed to be single, he will give you the peace for it. If you're not at peace but still have a Godly hope, I'd say that God hasn't decided that you're going to be single.

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    1. I love that statistic! I've heard similar ones in classes I've taken, but to be honest, I've never really applied it to my life and to singleness. I love that the two of you use(d) that statistic together and that it came true for you and that your friend still has hope for it, too! :)

      And I LOVED reading what you wrote "if you're not at peace but still have a Godly hope, I'd say that God hasn't decided that you're going to be single." I think you're right. I think that we have to trust and remember that God's plans are what's best BUT I also believe that God knows our desires and He does have plans that will make us happy no matter what!

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  7. This is so true! Sometimes I find myself doing the same thing in regards to different situations. It's easier to say "if" just to not let yourself get too excited or set on things that are unseen. Trusting God in situations that seem so distant in our future is hard!! But that hope is so so important! Trusting that his plan is greater than ours...even if we don't see it, yet. :)

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    1. You're right, it really is easier to say "if" in life--especially wen it comes to things that seem hard or impossible for us. But God can do anything, and while I don't know if marriage is in His plans for me, I choose to be hopeful and have hope instead of constantly being a half-empty type of gal!

      His plans are definitely greater than ours and that's something I need to remember and remind myself of all the time. :)

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  8. My heart (and lips) are singing the lyrics, "My strength is in you, Lord...My hope is in you, Lord. It's in you, in you." You are so right to choose HOPE while waiting.
    What I've learned from waiting and waiting (for a job and then a another job, for my husband, and now for children) is that waiting is such a great opportunity for us to place our trust in God's timing. Waiting builds in us that oft forgotten fruit of the spirit: patience. Waiting also provides time for productivity.
    Thank you, girl, for speaking to my heart while I'm in waiting. What a blessing you are!

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    1. Beautiful lyrics, girl. Truly beautiful lyrics. What song is that from? It sounds so familiar and yet I just can't place it at the moment!

      And waiting has definitely been a great opportunity for me to trust God, His plans, and His perfect timing. It's hard, but I know that when I look back, I'll realize just how great He is and how no matter where I am in life, I need to place Him first.

      Patience is definitely a forgotten fruit of the spirit! But like you said, it's during times of waiting that we realize just how important it is. One of the quotes that I found on Pinterest and have been constantly telling myself is "two things define you: your patience when you have nothing and your attitude when you have everything." It's been such a great reminder for me to be patient AND grateful. :)

      Thank you for your words of encouragement and kindness! I always love reading what you have to say. :)

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  9. Kiki, I have definitely been there. And still am some days. My mom used to say the same thing, "not if, but when." And it would make me so frustrated, angry, and sad ALL at the same time! I would get angry, because this is MY choice. I would get sad, because the Lord knows my heart and He knows I want a husband and family someday, but I don't want to rush it, it has to be on His timing. It is such a hard place to be sometimes. Eventually, my mom started seeing all the other things that were important to me and realized what she was saying when she said it. There are days where I think I could be happy forever single and days where I completely long to be hanging out with my husband. But, we can be certain that the Lord knows our hearts and He knows our desires. And whether we are single or married, the plans He has for us are greater than we can imagine! Praying for you, friend! Remember you are never alone in this season!

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    1. Jess, you don't even know how much of a comfort it is to know that I'm not alone. Seriously, it is such a comfort knowing that being single really doesn't mean that you're alone or "single" at all! :)

      And I so agree, we can't rush life and God's plans and timing. It's something I so wish I could do at times, but I know deep down that He's got me here for a reason and that someday if/when I get married, I'll look back onto this time and cherish it (or smile at least!).

      I also know and understand your feelings about going through different seasons of singleness. For me, it seems to change at least once a day. I'll go through moments of happiness of being able to live life independently and spend my money as I see fit (within reason, of course!) but there are other times when I also want to have my own adventure buddy and go out on a date.

      But like you said, His plans are greater than we could EVER imagine--despite our relationship status. Wise words there, friend!

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  10. That is sweet! My mom has said something similar as well! We cling to the hope of "when's" , whatever they may be.

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    1. Amen, girl. Amen. :)

      p.s. Moms are the best. They know exactly what to say and they know just when to say it, too!

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  11. I hadn't really thought much about this post when I first read it...but God kept bringing it up in my heart throughout this week. He has just showed me THROUGH you that I need to be hopeful and not look at the negative side of everything.

    I am choosing hope! :)

    Thanks Kiki!

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    1. Aw, thanks for letting me know! To tell you the truth, often times, I find that my own blog posts speak to me time and time again but it's so much more special to hear that my experiences affect my friends + readers' lives, too! Seriously, that makes me feel so touched--but like you said, it's all God. His timing, His voice, and His work. :)

      Glad to be choosing hope with you!

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