October 7, 2013

SINGLENESS | PRIORITIES AND STUFF.


Sometimes I forget that I'm different from other people. 

That's a profound statement, isn't it? But in all seriousness, this past summer I've forgotten that there are other people who don't share my same beliefs, faith, and priorities. These past few months I've exclusively surrounded myself by family, close friends, and y'all. People who I feel share the same loves, interests, and priorities. Sidenote: I still think it's funny that I find myself drawn to all of you when I haven't even hugged or seen you in real life.

But I digress. This past week I found myself in the minority when the topic of who's single (raises hand) and who's looking for what in a future boyfriend/husband. As an introvert, those really aren't things I talk about in front of groups of people I'm still getting to know. Who am I kidding, it's even weird to talk about it at home with my family. 

I know this was just a light-hearted conversation, but this it taught me more about myself and my identity in Christ than I ever imagined.

For example, I realized some people highly prioritize romantic relationships. And it's not that I don't, it's just something that I've been trying not to idolize or think as a requirement to my happiness. It's a daily challenge for me, but these past few months have been great--full of trust and full of hope. I guess you could say I had rocky week. I struggled with my identity, value, beauty, patience, and trust in God's perfect plans. It was a tough week, to say the least.

Which leads me to my second lesson learned: Singleness woes only come about if I let them. There were many times this week that I had this deep desire to get married, have kids, and just be a mom. It's the family girl in me, but I realized that it came about after those conversations and after I let myself think about my singleness status negatively.

Lastly, it taught me that I need Jesus in my life and that I need to put Him first in my life (again and everyday). I haven't really had too many singleness struggles (until now) because I didn't think too much about it. I'm not trying to put myself on a pedestal, but not concentrating on it was really good for me. It helped me focus on work, on teaching, and on the people I have in my life right now. Not the people I don't, or may not, or even may have in the future.

So yeah. There you have it. Sometimes funny little conversations get turned into crazy deep revelations for this girl over here. 'Tis the life of an introvert.

p.s. If you're curious as to what I am looking for in a future husband, I wouldn't mind a man who: loves Jesus, loves and is great with kids (probably the most attractive trait in a guy for me), has dark hair (but light hair is all good, too!), plays guitar, loves the outdoors, smells good, makes me laugh until I cry, loves adventure, and supports my blog.

Weren't expecting that last one, were ya?

p.p.s. I don't want to come across as a hater of my new work friends. I love each of these people dearly and it really is because of them that I've made such a smooth transition into my new job. These people are amazing mentors, friends, and encouragers. Oh, and they're hilariously funny, too.

36 comments

  1. oh girl. it's true. when i'm not seeking Jesus consistently and i'm letting negative thoughts enter my mind and heart, i can get so discouraged about being single. thanks for the reminder and encouragement :)

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    1. You so said it. As a kid, I always learned to put Jesus first in my life but it really wasn't until this year that I realized just how true it is. Thank you for supporting and encouraging me! :)

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  2. Right there with you, Kiki. I read this & almost laughed/sobbed. "I'm not the only one going thru this!" This really knocked me upside the head--so thank you. Here's a hug from a fellow introverted single lady. ;)

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    1. Aw, Meghan reading your comment was just what I needed today. You are so not the only one who goes through these kinds of things! Thank you for reminding me I'm never alone in this! :)

      And yes, hugs to a fellow introverted single lady! We've all gotta stick together, right?

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  3. agreed. SO agreed. I definitely needed to read this today - reminding me and encouraging me to seek Jesus first and not dwell on my singleness - I do far too often.
    hmmphf.
    I've found that the more I dwell, the more sadness I feel.
    I just need to redirect my thinking...let Jesus handle the rest.

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    1. Amen. The more we dwell, the more sadness we feel--that's something I've definitely learned this past week. I also love what you said about redirecting our thoughts. We've got to redirect ourselves to Christ and let Him take care of our worries and future. Loved that. :)

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  4. Amen girl!!! Singleness is such a precious time of just you and Jesus!!!! Maximize it :)

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    1. Thanks, Caroline! It's so easy for me to forget (and take for granted) that singleness is a gift and a time that I should really cherish. Thank you for that sweet reminder--those were the exact words I needed to read today! :)

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  5. Beautifully put! Having Jesus first in our lives is so crucial, and having Him first is what makes the rest of our lives makes sense! Great reminder!

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    1. You are so right! It is so very, very important to place Him first in our lives. That was one of those Sunday School lessons that I heard and memorized growing up but never really understood until this past year. And just like you said, it's when we do put Him first that everything else makes sense. Love that! :)

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  6. I love your outlook on this. I also struggle with sharing when I'm part of unfamiliar groups. As an introvert, there needs to be a lot of trust established first before I'm going to share certain parts of my life.

    I'm glad you're trying to focus on life and Christ and all that has been put before you. Singleness can be such an important, beautiful part of life, and it was in those moments that I really connected with God and started to understand my own identity.

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    1. Girl, you nailed it. As an introvert, it's almost painful for me at times to share with people I don't know that well. And it's even harder for me to explain why. Us introverts have got to stick together! :)

      I loved reading about how singleness brought you closer to God! I have definitely experienced just that. Singleness has seasons in itself for me and sometimes it's the sadder seasons that I realize just how much I need to put Him first in my life.

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  7. "singleness woes only come about if i let them." YES. YES. YES.
    for so long, i defined myself by my singleness. i looked at every unmarried, single guy and wondered if he was the one. it was exhausting! God opened my eyes to the realization that HE is the One. if i keep my focus on Him, i don't have time to dwell on things i cannot change.

    love this post!

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    1. Amen to all that you said, Amber! Seriously. :)

      I so define myself by my singleness somedays. And it's funny that you mentioned looking at every single guy and wondering if he's THE one or not because I caught myself doing just that the other day. It's definitely exhausting! I am so grateful for your wisdom and our shared singleness journey because your insight is exactly what I need to read. God is THE One and the only One at that.

      And I also love how you mentioned that it's when we focus on Him that we no longer think about or dwell on the stuff we cannot change. We cannot change where we are in our lives but we can change who we look to for comfort, hope, and love. :)

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  8. So true! I completely agree.
    I can definitely relate.
    Thanks for the reminder to seek Jesus first and to not dwell on my singleness.

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    1. Glad you agree, girl! And I'm also glad you can relate. I was worried about posting this last night because I just wasn't sure if it was good enough for a post. So it's nice to hear that you can relate and that you agree! :)

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    2. I am right with you in not being comfortable sharing that kind of thing in front of large groups of people. If it's my friends it's one thing, but people I don't know very well, then it's different.
      I'm glad you posted it, it's a great reminder that we should put God first!

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    3. Exactly! There are even some things that I don't want to talk about with the closest of friends just because I'm an introvert like that. :) But I'm definitely more comfortable around people I really know!

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    4. So true! I think we would get along really well :)

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  9. I love this quote "Singleness woes only come about if I let them." SO TRUE. and really you can turn that into a fill in the blank. financial / marriage / mommy / loneliness / self... woes only come about if I let them

    great incite as always!.

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    1. You are so right! Whether it's finances, singleness, marriage, loneliness, or self, our woes are only a problem if we give them the attention they want. I've never really thought about that before but it is definitely the truth! :)

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  10. Dropping some truth, girl! Putting Jesus first is always the best thing to do. It fulfills you, brings you joy, and gives you all the hope you need in life. Thank you for that reminder! Enjoy the single life, lady!

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    1. Yes, yes, yes. Putting Jesus first is definitely the best thing to do. I remember times when I used to question putting Him first in my life, but it's doing just that that really does fulfill me in more ways than one! :) Thank you, girl for reminding me that!

      And I so love what you said about enjoying the single life. There are definitely days when I don't so it's little words of encouragement like that that remind me that I really do need to stop taking it for granted and wishing it was over. :)

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  11. I went like, two months without crying about being single (it happens... sometimes), and then last week I let it flood in for a day. It was a total distraction. I was venting to all of my friends, I was trying to figure out "just what I've been doing wrong" and then, it went away... as it always does. It only comes in when I let it. Just like you said. Keep up the positive thoughts.

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    1. That was so me! I went a good five or six months being happy and content with my singleness so I was almost startled by the sudden moment of sadness in my singleness. It was those moments last week that reminded me that singleness is a season with its fair share of ups and downs. But like we both know, it only comes when we let it. Amen to that, my friend! :)

      Praying for you, girl! I hope your internship is going well!

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  12. dude I just wrote a post similar to this!! how crazy, isn't it awesome when you realize that you already have all that you need? so calming.
    Cheers! Shelby

    www.shelbysmouth.blogspot.com

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    1. No way! I know for a fact that this isn't a coincidence but God's timing. :) I cannot wait to read your thoughts on this and I'm so glad to have met another girl who shares my same thoughts and love for Jesus.

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  13. I think life is full of ebs and flows, where sometimes focusing on God is easier than others. That doesn't mean we should ever stop from seeking him, just that it's not always easy. Same goes with relationships. Sometimes in life you are just more aware of your marital status (or lack thereof) especially when it feels like you're surrounded by people in relationships (or not.) It's really strange because in my close college friends, all of us are in serious relationships or married... it's the norm for us. But in my group of childhood friends I am the only one married, and there's only one other girl in a serious relationship--the rest are single! Ohhhh life.

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    1. True that! Life is definitely full of different seasons (and even seasons within seasons, if that makes sense!). And I definitely think some seasons make it easier to focus ourselves on God than others as well. I like what you said about it not meaning that we stop looking for him because I agree. It's just easier sometimes than others.

      And like you said, it's just like that with relationships (or in my case, not being in a relationship). There are definitely times when it's more noticeable than others and there are also times when we almost take it for granted. Girl, you are so wise! :)

      Lastly, I love what you said about the differences in your groups of friends--I'm pretty much the same way! My best friends/old neighbors aren't in relationships right now but a lot of my college friends are. It's funny how life works that way, isn't it?

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  14. Great post, Kiki. When it comes to singleness, I always feel like you take the words right out of my mouth! :)

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    1. Thanks, friend. :) That is seriously a HUGE compliment and it really makes me happy that we've found one another's blogs and that we can encourage one another, too! :)

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  15. I feel like it's really difficult to comment on this without leaving something laden with platitudes...but you're so right. And even though I'm not in that place anymore, there are still aspects of this that remain applicable in marriage. Woes are woes and each season has them :) Each season also has a lot of beauty and promise.

    You've got your priorities right!

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    1. Platitudes are always welcome, girl! :) I love hearing from fellow bloggers and hearing your thoughts--even if it's just a simple "I so agree!"

      And you're right, each season has it's own beauty, promises, and woes. There are always ups and downs with everything in life and I just need to remember to keep my priorities straight. :)

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  16. Oh girl...you already know how much I LOOOOVE this post. Such truth so apply and honestly spoken, a reminder that I need every day, even in a season where wanting marriage has really been on the major backburner. I'm still a girl and I still like to feel cherished! I've been reminding myself lately when I DO have those twinges of wanting to "belong" to someone, that I already belong to Jesus. I'm not a wandering love soul, I'm already processed by Christ.

    Once again, wow...a new job?? I'm SSOOO behind on your blog, girl!! I need a date with my laptop and a salted caramel hot cocoa (new fav at Starbucks!) so I can get caught up on you!

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    1. Oh girl, you've got to know how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE your comments. I so love that you truly understand me and my thoughts and that you truly have the same priorities as me. When are we going to meet up again? :)

      And I know! I just started two weeks ago so you're really not that behind. Life's been crazy lately, but I'm trying to remind myself of how blessed I am--which is harder somedays than others.

      Girl, we need to have a real cocoa date sometime so we can really truly catch up on each other's lives!

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