January 27, 2014

FICTION | THAT QUESTION.

No real heart-to-heart post today, friends. I'm still experimenting with my fiction-writing and as per the advice from Amy (my unofficial writing mentor), I'm just letting it out and writing. Not thinking, just writing.
image via Unsplash.
I remember the day that we sat together on the railing, our jeans barely touching. We were overlooking the beach below, looking out into the vastness of the world. We were sitting so close and yet our conversation was bringing us farther and farther away.

The way he talked made it seem like I was part of his past and I didn't like where it was headed.

"So what are you trying to say?" I stammered, trying not to let the tears welling in my eyes burst like a flood.

"I don't know," he replied, rubbing his hand against his thigh. He turned his head away from me, looking out into the dark starry sky. He was avoiding me, this conversation, this moment. He was distancing himself, just as he'd done time and time again.

"I don't get it. I just don't get it. What does 'I don't know' mean? What are you trying to say?" I held myself back from asking the next question that almost left my lips.

I stood up, climbed off of the railing and tried to wipe a tear from my eye as discretely as possible.

He didn't say a word. I wanted to run, escape all of this. I wanted to get in my car, curl up under the covers of my bed in my apartment and just cry. Let it all out. And let it all go.

And yet, I stood there. Frozen in time. I didn't know what to do, where to go, what to say. I let the silence take over.

I saw him pull out his phone. His phone.

"You're kidding me," I said in response. "You're seriously going to check your phone right now?" my emotions were quickly boiling and I knew I was just about to lose it.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked, suddenly defensive.

"I want you to talk to me. I want you to tell me what you're thinking. Are you saying we're, we're done?" That last word lingered in the air and sent a chill down my back. I didn't mean to say that. I wanted to take it all back as quickly as I let it slip out of my mouth.

"Yeah, I think so." He answered too quickly, too matter-of-factly. He, too, got up from the railing and stuck his hands in his pockets. He looked away again and acted like we had never met before.

I tried looking at him. I wanted to make eye contact and yet he looked away and avoided my every effort. He was done and I wish I was too.

I felt my phone buzzing in my purse but didn't move. I was still frozen and yet there he was, getting ready to get up and leave like we had just had dinner and a movie.

Which we had, only hours before. 

24 comments

  1. Girl, I LOVE your writing style! This story definitely raises some questions and makes me want to know more, which is such a great trait for a story to have! Great job :)

    PS- another reason we're totally twins: i've always loved writing little fictional stories and still do once and a while! I should try my hand at it again :)

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    1. Aw, thanks! I actually didn't write this story with intentions of continuing it or deepening the story line, but I think I will now! And I had noooo idea you wrote fiction, too! I've done it a few times before on the old blog but I got stuck and stopped for a few months. Buuut, I'm hoping to keep it up and maybe try my hand and see where this story goes.

      As for you, please write something! Pretty please? :)

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    2. Hi there! I know this is kinda off topic but I'd figured I'd ask.

      Would you be interested in trading links with my blog?
      My blog covers a lot of interesting and helpful posts just like yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other. And also, I think you'll love my recent blog post titled Making Excuses: How It Affects Your Life And What To Do

      I'm hoping to hear from you too and quickly, you've got a great blog here.

      Daniel.

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  2. Very cool! And very intriguing! Do more!!!

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    1. Thanks! And yes, I do plan to write more! I love it and now I just need a spare moment (or maybe twenty?) to write some more. :)

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  3. Kiki, this is AWESOME! I love that you are trying your hand at fiction! :)

    Must have more!

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    1. Thank you, Miranda! I've done it a few times on the blog before but got stuck with my first story and then stopped because I got frustrated and lost with where I would take it. I also have a terrible habit of starting stories and then never finishing them (I have like ten stories saved on my computer that are 7 pages long and that's it, haha). :)

      Anyway, thank you so much! That means a lot coming from a talented writer like you!

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  4. this right here "We were sitting so close and yet our conversation was bringing us farther and farther away." <- PERFECTION. definitely captured my attention after that line.
    snap.
    girl snap.
    so much emotion here - i am pissed at this dude to pull out his PHONE and avoid the topic and let HER be the one to end things - just by asking....ooooooooooooooooooooooo d-bag!
    :)
    so needless to say, this was awesome, i'm glad you didn't over think it, and you just let it fly.
    i could definitely see a series out of this one. add in some back story posts, his side of things, what all is happening, the afer effects, the ripples in the relationship...man so many awesome options!

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    1. Snap. I'm so glad you loved this! You are seriously my mentor when it comes to writing (sorry the link didn't work, my bad!) so I'm so flattered you liked it. :)

      Also, I really wanted to write something gritty and emotional. I wrote this on a night when I was frustrated and had the itch to write so this break-up post was exactly what I needed. It was actually soothing to write, if that's not too weird to admit. I'm so glad I took your advice and just wrote!

      I actually wrote this post with NO intention to expand on it, but now that you mention it, I think it does have a lot of stories that I could write on it. Maybe I'll do just that! :)

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    2. p.s. I totally forgot to tell you that I pretty much wrote those annoying "pick up the phone" thing because that's one of my biggest pet peeves ever, haha. :)

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  5. Replies
    1. Thanks, Susanne! That means a lot! I cannot wait to write more now. :)

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  6. you're such a good writer!! so intriguing!! :)

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    1. Thank you so much, Robyn! It means a lot to get encouragement on my writing, because it's one of those things that I am not very confident in yet. :)

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  7. THIS. IS. SO. GOOD.
    I. WANT. MORE.
    sorry for all caps, but it's sooo good!

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    1. Aw, thank you!!! I love it when people use caps in comments (well, not always, but in cases like this, it's definitely welcome!). Thank you so much! :)

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  8. I think it is so brave of bloggers to write fiction excerpts on their blogs. SO GOOD

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    1. Aw, thanks Kaysie! The first time I published a little fiction, that's exactly how I felt. Very afraid, very unsure, and very worried about people's reactions. It helps to have such a kind and encouraging readership and great friends like you! :)

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  9. this is so good girl!
    Shoot!
    You are one talented writer!
    I so want to hear more :)

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    1. Aw, thank you! I have a terrible habit of starting fiction pieces and never finishing them, but I'm a little intrigued by this couple and their story, too. :)

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  10. this is so good, friend! i'm sad and mad and all kinds of emotions over this. haha. great writing! i want to hear more of the story!

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    1. Aw, thanks! I definitely wrote this post intending on making it gritty and emotional and made the guy the annoying 'bad' guy by incorporating a few of my pet peeves, too (the cell phone during face-to-face conversations for starters!). Anyway, I want to know more of it, too! Now I just need some time to write. :)

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  11. please tell me there is a continuation...

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    1. Haha, well, if I'm honest, I originally intended for this story to stand alone since I'm terrible at finishing stories. Buuut, after I read everyone's feedback, I guess there will be a continuation? We shall see! :)

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© IN ITS TIMEMaira Gall