April 28, 2014

BLOG TALK: ON LEARNING TO SAY NO.


It's funny, this blogging thing. There are millions of billions of blog posts out there, sharing tips and tricks and tutorials on how to do this and that when it comes to blogging. But if you ask me, there really is no "expert" blogger. Sure, there are successful bloggers, but I think that we, as bloggers, can all agree that there is no right or wrong when it comes to blogging.

So here I am, a little blogger, blogging about blogging.

I've shared a few blogging tips before, and am here to tell you something that I don't think many bloggers tell you:

YOU CAN'T DO EVERYTHING. 

I honestly wish someone had told me this from the get-go because it would have saved me millions of moments of frustration and impatience and a few late nights, too.

Like this ever-popular pin (that's gotta say something in and of itself if you ask me!), 'you can do anything, but you can't do everything.' David Allen had some wise words there. Wise words that apply not only to life, but to blogging, too.

I think there's a struggle between making yourself known and making the most of the opportunities that are presented to you, and keeping yourself sane. Call it balance, if you will. 

But one thing I've learned the hard way is that sometimes, you just can't say yes to every opportunity. I've tried to design blogs during the work/school year, but have found that I just can't. I couldn't balance my time and energy between work demands and blogging demands. There just aren't enough hours in the day for giveaways, for guest posts, and for link-ups sometimes.

And you know what? My blog still lived another day if I said no to an opportunity. 

Sure, I may have missed out on a few likes or new followers, but they'll be there tomorrow. I can't take back time and sometimes, you just need to step back and savor the moment and enjoy your sanity.

To tell you the truth, it still hurts to turn down opportunities. It really does. I hate disappointing people. I hate letting people down. I hate rejecting good opportunities, if you will.

But I also hate missing out on family time, missing out on time spent with friends, missing out on time sleeping and de-stressing.

So I'm learning that sometimes, you have to say no. It's something that I never thought I'd learn from blogging (let alone at all, seeing as I'm the worst people-pleaser ever!), but it's something that I feel like we all need to learn, one blog post at a time.

Do you agree or disagree with this? Are you a people-pleaser? Have you ever turned down blogging opportunities for the sake of your sanity? And what are you learning about blogging right now?

32 comments

  1. No is such a powerful word and I'm thankful that it's something I've always been good at saying. I'm not a people-pleaser and I turn down blogging opportunities all the time. Actually I could probably go as far as to say that I don't even look for or pay attention to blogging opportunities because I don't even care about "the right way to blog" lol. :)

    Right now, with blogging, I'm learning that when I don't have anything to say that I don't need to force it... and I don't need to apologize for my silence either. The only thing I owe my readers is to be true to who I am.

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    1. It really is a powerful word! It's funny, because growing up, I was always taught to serve others. But there's a difference between serving others for HIM and serving others to gain acceptance or approval, you know? Anyway, like you said, it's definitely empowering to finally take a stance and turn things down, even if they are truly great opportunities.

      And I love what you said about not forcing stuff when it comes to blogging! I used to try and blog 5 days a week and found myself hating blogging because I was forcing "filler" content. If I've learned anything, filler content + me does not make for a good combination!

      p.s. I loooooove that last sentence. The one and only thing we all owe as bloggers (and as people!) is to be true to ourselves. Amen to that!

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  2. You are absolutely right! Blogging is sooo worth my time, but not all of my time. :) I too know that the yes's and no's of blogging are more difficult to discern. I've said no and regretted it occasionally. Even with those regrets, there will be other opportunities!,

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    1. Exactly! As someone who works, I've quickly learned that I can't let blogging take up all my time. As much as I love it, I also have to practice balance and am so glad you understand. And like you said, there will always be more opportunities in life! :)

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  3. i agree.
    girl sometimes it is most definitely hard to say no. and i think we have this idea that saying no means "i dont like you" and it is NOT like that. i sometimes can be a people pleaser...but most of the time i try to look at things realistically. <3
    YOUR blog reflects you, we've chatted about this before - sometimes we just have to remember why we started blogging in the first place.

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    1. Exactly! I don't ever want people to see that my blogging profile or personality is that of hate or dislike (especially in this world where people think it's okay to speak/write with hate towards others) but I also want people (aka ME) to know that I just can't do everything. Anyway, I admire your outlook of realism. I'm most definitely trying to more like that! :)

      And yes, my blog reflects ME. Yep, couldn't have said that better. :)

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  4. yes. this is something that i have been processing the past few months. as work life gets busier, i just can't devote my time to blogging as much as i would like. but that's okay. i need to prioritize my life in busy seasons and blogging isn't a priority over family time & Christian community. thank you for writing this!

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    1. Exactly! It's hard balancing blogging, especially when it is such a great community of people and opportunities and experiences. But like you said, sometimes you just need to step away (and sometimes stepping away is when you get the best inspiration or love for blogging!). :)

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  5. i get it.
    I feel bad when people's content just isn't right for the blog, but sometimes you just have to say no.

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    1. Yep, yep. Sometimes there are just times when things don't fit. And saying no to things like that are even harder than just saying no because of time or something like that!

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  6. I have no idea how I haven't found your blog sooner, but I saw your button on Amy's sidebar and I've been hardcore creeping on some of your past posts the last few days!! I just love your writing and your heart!
    Amen to all of this. It is so hard to say no. I just always feeling like in letting someone down. Lately I've not been linking up or doing sponsors or posts or anything like that. I feel like it's taking away from the genuine aspect of my blog, and taking away from the fact that my blog is a written history meant for ME to remember things by and share MY stories. The only link ups I've been doing are ones where I can write and express my thoughts and stories and not the cheesy/fluffy ones that are kinda pointless.

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    1. Hi Genna! First of all, I loooove that you've been creeping on this old blog, haha. :) There's nothing more than I like to hear than people visiting the blog!

      Anyway, you pretty much spoke every word and emotion I feel when saying no. I hate letting people down and yet I also have to keep in mind that I have to be able to live (and not just barely survive) if I want to better myself and my blog.

      I also love what you said about choosing to participate in link-ups and other opportunities that also support your growth. Honestly, I think that's something that we all need to consider and re-consider every now and then!

      Thanks for stopping by!

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  7. great post! i've had these same feelings about giveaways. i tried it once, and then all of a sudden, companies were contacting me left and right and it was not what i wanted my blog to be. i am a people pleaser, so of course, i felt terrible, but saying no is a good thing! what keeps me coming back to your blog is your authenticity. you post about what you love and what you know.

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    1. YES! There are times when I see people hosting giveaways and wonder what their motives are behind the giveaways. Sure, sometimes they're sponsored or have a great reason behind them but other times it seems like people host them (or post other content) for follows or numbers, you know? I'm not trying to accuse anyone of doing that, but sometimes you just wonder.

      Anyway, I loooove what you said about saying no. It really can be a good thing. Like you said, it may not seem like a good thin at the moment, but we have to be true to ourselves. :)

      Lastly, THANK YOU SO MUCH. Hearing people talk about authenticity and THEN describe my blog as such is one of the biggest compliments I've ever received. Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You, my friend, are one of the gems in the blogging world and I so admire your creativity and honesty, too. And I'm not just saying that to reciprocate!

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  8. I'm learning I'm not so sure I like this whole "sponsorship" thing. I struggle with parameters put on me, even if I do it myself. When something becomes work, I get frustrated. So I'm working on deciding if this is something I need to push past, or step back from sponsorships. Dunno. Plus it's been a hard week, so I'm feeling like everything is a hassle. Haha!

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    1. I get it, Meg, I get it. When I was offering swaps, I found myself just so unsure if they were something I liked and wanted for my blog. And as for now, I just feel like taking a break from them is something that I need to do. I want people to find other great blogs, but I also want to do it in a way that people can really get to know others AND actually read the post, too. You know?

      Anyway, don't think too much into the sponsoring thing. Do what feels right in your gut. If you ever want to talk blogging, I'm always an open ear! :)

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  9. I am nearly the queen of saying 'YES!' to every good opportunity just because it IS a good opportunity. I've taken several jobs that I felt burnt out on after 2 months, but I've actually been better at saying no in regards to blogging. Aside from being inconsistent and unable to commit to sponsoring, I've taken a few "collaborations" and turned down just as many. I'm better at knowing that I don't want my blog to be than what I do want it to be lol

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    1. I'm the same way! In person, I'm much, much, MUCH worse at saying no. But through blogging (of all things!), I'm learning that I need to practice that voice because I can't let people walk all over me or let exhaustion win over me all the time, too.

      I love what you said about not wanting your blog to be more than you want it to be. I think that's a great outlook on blogging and I also think that that's how lots of bloggers should view blogging and how they're blogging, too. :)

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  10. Awesome thoughts! I totally agree! I think saying no is really important and helps us to better define our priorities. Saying no isn't to hard especially if I know something really won't work. What I've come to know best is being honest about collaborations I want to work on and being able to say when I'm available.

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    1. Amen to that! Saying no really is tough but it also is an important word to keep in our vocabularies. Saying no to me is a reminder that as much as I love blogging, I can't let it take precedence over my life, you know? :)

      And well, you know how much I love and value honesty! Being honest really is key--both with others and with ourselves!

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  11. Agreed. I am a definite people pleaser so it's hard to say no sometimes. But after being sick, out of town, and going through a lot of"life" stuff...I've realized that my blog is for me, and if I can't post for awhile, that's ok. It is not enjoyable anymore if it becomes a chore or something i feel like I have to do.

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    1. Me, too! I refuse to let blogging become a chore for me (that's actually part of the reason why I don't do sponsorships). I tried posting 5 days/week before and found myself hating blogging because I was always pushing content and the content was never that great, either. So like you said, sometimes you just have to be okay with blog silence--something that I'm learning is easier said than done! :)

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  12. I totally agree with you! I feel like I've been seeing a lot of tutorials lately on how to better your blog, and it's a little overwhelming. It's refreshing to hear your perspective. Laid back, relaxed. It is hard to say no sometimes, especially for people-pleasers like me (I'm trying to grow out of that!). Thanks for the encouragement, love!

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    1. Same! There must be something in the water, because I've seen tons of tips and tricks posts in terms of blogging, too. I am way flattered with how you described my perspective because that's exactly how I wanted to come across. Laidback and relaxed. That's how I see all of my favorite blogs, too--yours most definitely included. :)

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  13. I completely agree. If I say yes to too many things, I end up doing things half-way and I hate that. So I've learned to say yes to a few things so I can do them well. I'd rather disappoint someone with a no then disappoint with a halfway yes.

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    1. So true! I totally forgot about that truth. I used to try and push out content five times/week and just found myself publishing "meh" content. It most definitely was not a shining moment in my blogging history, haha. :) That said, a no is most definitely better than a halfway yes, that's for sure!

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  14. thanks for these words. i am a teeny tiny little blog, but for me at this point in my life, it's where i can be happy. i tend to be a people pleaser, too, and it's not beneficial to anyone! you feel worn thin and the person you are trying to please doesn't get the very best of you. i really like that quote you mentioned, and i think about it often. it's such a good reminder. thanks!

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    1. You are so right, Lacey. People-pleasing is definitely not beneficial to either party--that's such a great reminder for when I find myself trying to please people too much.

      And girl, honestly, I'm with you on being happy with where you're at in blogging. As long as you're happy and blogging while staying true to yourself, it's all good. :)

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  15. I think a wise blogger knows how much they can handle and graciously turns down opportunities they know they cannot do 100% I am proud of you!!!

    And I want to pin that picture but it is unpinable - I just wanted to let you know! XXO

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    1. That is one wise blogger. It's true, though, because we cannot do everything!

      And thanks for letting me know! I unintentionally changed my settings on Flickr but they've changed back so you can pin from my photos now!v :)

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  16. Since I just recently started blogging again, I really haven't felt a lot of pressure and such to have to say no. There are definitely times where I take a break from blogging or writing, but once those couple of days are over, I always miss writing and the community that comes with it. Although I haven't felt like I've had to say "no" in blogging, I have in other areas of my life. And once I learned that it was completely okay to say no and that I didn't have to do everything, I felt so much relief! I was then able to actually enjoy the things that I had said "yes" to and was able to focus on them intentionally!

    Great post and great thoughts, friend!

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    1. I think taking breaks from writing (or saying no to blogging sometimes) is a good thing, too! Honestly, I, too, would miss writing and the blogging community but taking breaks is so important to prevent burnout or exhaustion.

      I also agree with you on saying no to things in real life, too. It's something that I've found to be much harder in person, but blogging has taught me that I need to say no in my day-to-day interactions with people, too. It definitely is a relief to not have so much pressure or as many deadlines to meet, too. :)

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