May 5, 2014

SINGLENESS | GIVING IT UP.


I'm going to skip all of the clever introductions and segues and just get straight to the point (a rarity around here, eh?): I need to give up singleness. 

That makes a lot of sense, right? 

Let's break it down a little, shall we? When I say that I need to give up singleness, I mean that I need to stop using it as my crutch, stop using it as the one place in my life where things aren't yet fixed, aren't yet worthy or finished.

I need to stop seeing singleness as a problem or illness. Stop seeing it as a place where I can throw myself pity parties. A place where I can constantly moan and grown and dig myself into a deeper hole.

While it's fine and dandy to be honest (a trait I not only admire but intentionally look for in my friendships these days), it's also important to be honest with yourself and your relationship with God--and that's where I felt the calling to give up singleness as how I was viewing and living it out.

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Singleness does not mean being alone. It's not about waiting for life to start, or looking for the greener grass in life. Like other so-called waiting seasons in life, we need to stop waiting for something to happen. We need to cherish today, give up our idols (marriage included!), and cling to Him.

And singleness cannot be my pity party. I am wayyy too blessed to let my life be a pity party because of one dream that hasn't played out. I cannot let that control me and I cannot let the devil control me that way. I need to let it go, give it to Jesus, and just live.

I need to live out my days, not count them down until the day my prince charming comes.

Because He's already here, living right inside my heart.

45 comments

  1. "Like other so-called waiting seasons in life, we need to stop waiting for something to happen. We need to cherish today, give up our idols (marriage included!), and cling to Him." YESSSSS!!!! Shout it from the rooftops! And then back at me. Ha!

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    1. Thank you for those encouraging words! Changing my views of singleness is something that I'm constantly checking myself on. But it truly helps knowing that people are out there that understand what and how I'm feeling. It's comments like these that make me re-read my post and realize just how much I can learn from others AND myself, haha. :)

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  2. Love this! So good! :)
    Such a good reminder that Gods got it all figured out and we just have to trust him. Which I know is sometimes easier said than done when your friends are all getting marrried-at least mine are.

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    1. Yep, you said it! It's definitely hard and something that I know won't be fixed "like that" but it is something I'm learning to slowly (as in, slooooowly) give up, too. Trust is hard, amen? :)

      And I so get what you mean about being surrounded by people who are getting engaged. I'm telling you, this season is hard because it seems like everyone is in a relationship or is getting engaged/married. Know that you're not alone, though! :)

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  3. Love this! I remember before I met my now husband, struggling in such a huge way with singleness. I found a lot of comfort in a message by David Platt in which he said, singleness is a gift...that floored me. I viewed it as the biggest, ugliest curse. I found such refuge and hope in these two verses: Acts 1:7, 1 Corinthians 7:34! :) Thanks for being so open and sharing!

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    1. Singleness is definitely a gift! It's something that I've also realized I've taken for granted, too (hey, maybe that'll be my next singleness post!). :) But really, it is a gift and it's that kind of perspective that I know I need to take on during this season. And I love that verse in Acts! I've never really read it in terms of my singleness but it couldn't be truer. It's pretty similar to the verse I used as inspiration for my blog, too (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

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  4. YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. this might be my favorite post of yours. SO GOOD!!

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    1. Thank you so much. It's friends like you that remind me that I'm not alone in this. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH (from the bottom of my heart). :)

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  5. "Because He's already here, living right inside my heart." YES :)
    this is SUCH a good reminder - marriage can easily become an idol when you are married too! so thanks for this! :)

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    1. I love that you said pointed out that marriage can become an idol for the married and un-married alike. I think it's easy for single people and married couples to not hang out as much because they're in such different stages in life. BUT, there really are lots of similarities and your words are just another reminder that married and single people need each other, too. :)

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  6. I love this post! And I think this applies to many things in life.
    "I need to let it go, give it to Jesus, and just live." <----- YES! I think we wait for so many things to happen in life and forget to enjoy the road that takes us there! I know God most certainly has a wonderful man in mind for you, and I know the waiting isn't easy. I will be praying for you! xo

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    1. You said it, Aimee! It's so easy to just think that we need to wait for something to happen (whether it be money or time or marriage) before we embark on an adventure but there really is much to enjoy--even in the everyday. :)

      And thank you so much for the prayers, too. It's so comforting knowing that people from all over the country care about me! :)

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  7. i've been single for the majority of my life so i can definitely relate to this. i have never been one of those girls who feels like being in a relationship is the end all be all to my existence, but that doesn't mean i didn't want to be in one! i think God gave me a sense of peace and satisfaction in my single years to be happy with where i was and who i was. i very very recently started dated the greatest guy, and i think i can appreciate it even more having had many years without a boyfriend/dating the wrong-for-me boys. thanks for the honest post. you are not alone with these thoughts/struggles in the slightest.

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    1. You know, it really is an encouragement to read words like yours. I've just recently (like in the past few months) come to the point where I don't feel like I NEED a husband. It's definitely something I want (especially since I want kids and know that having a husband will be of great support/help!) but it's something that I've realized I don't need right now (especially in this point in my life).

      All that aside, I'm so excited for you! It's great to hear that there are great guys out there and that you've really found yourself to be more appreciative of your relationship, too. Best wishes for your relationship! :)

      And thank you for reaffirming my thoughts and reminding me that I'm not alone. The blogging community has been so amazing in my singleness journey and I've made so many great fellow single friends because of it.

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  8. Oh girl! This is such a beautiful post!
    Praying for you this morning and your heart.
    Surrendering dreams, goals, and ideas to the Lord....sometimes totally sucks....but it is amazing the things that He provides when we give some of our plans up. And, that doesn't automatically mean marriage (it did NOT for me)....but maybe passion, traveling, an awesome job, an encouraging friend group, etc.
    Thanks for sharing Kiki.

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    1. Thank you, sweet friend! Surrender and trust are two things that I'm learning are incredibly hard for me, even if they are rewarding! And I love what you said about it not necessarily bringing what we want instantly. There's definitely the patience factor, too! :)

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  9. You are such a gem, friend. Your transparency is so refreshing and lovely! It's a great reminder to stop waiting and enjoy NOW and everything God has given me right here during this season of my life.

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    1. You are so kind. :) Seriously, I wouldn't be able to be so open and honest if it weren't for the amazing community here on my blog to support, pray for, and encourage me!

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  10. Amen. Such a wonderful reminder. I'm right with you in trying to remember to give it up and enjoy the life I'm blessed with right now.

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    1. So glad to be in it with you! Enjoying life and really enjoying the life we've been blessed with is something that I'm learning is important and also crucial to our happiness. :)

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  11. I love this, Kiki! Your heart (and you!) is so beautiful, and I'm so glad you have Jesus in your heart. Love you!

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    1. I am so feeling the love (and I mean that seriously!). :) It's friends like you that remind me of all that I have in life and not just what I'm missing. Thank you so much! I am so incredibly grateful for our friendship. :)

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  12. :) Totally stoked for you - Singleness does not identify us, but can only serve to explain us.
    Prayed for God to give me contentment in my singleness, and by His grace, I can both still desire marriage and be content with where He has me.

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    1. YES! Singleness definitely does not and cannot define us. He is way too great of a God to let something like that define who we are. :) And I love where you're at! I've been finding myself more and more content with where I'm at and while I still want marriage, I've made it less and less of an idol.

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  13. Yeah! This is so good, and so relevant! Thanks for sharing. So many people around me are getting engaged, and I've caught myself having pity-parties about my singleness, but this is a great reminder that those pity-parties are absolutely unacceptable!

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    1. I get what you mean! It's definitely dating, engagement, and wedding season. It's definitely easy for me to throw myself pity parties (singleness has its highs and lows!) but that doesn't mean we have to attend those parties! :)

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  14. Amen. Amen. Amen!

    "Singleness does not mean being alone." "We have to give up our idols and cling to Him." "Singleness CANNOT be my pity party!"

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    1. You know, I've been meaning to respond to your email for some time now! Please know that I haven't forgotten about it, but rather, don't feel like I have the right words to speak on it (does that make any sense?). Anyway, I am so glad you agree with me on these truths. Singleness most definitely does not mean being alone (even if that's what lots of people/the world thinks!). :)

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  15. Well said! I'm married now but I was single for years (I married at 30) and I totally agree.

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    1. So glad you can relate (or at least remember) to those days of singleness. It means a lot to know that I'm not alone. :)

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  16. Wise, words!!! :) I am always talking to my single and married friends about this "invisible line" that exists between us if we're not careful! On either side, before anything else, we are women who know God. Whatever our station, we are called first to that! And it IS beautiful.

    Thanks for the reminder!

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    1. I completely agree! It doesn't matter what our relationship status, we're all created by the same God and are created to love one another, too. :)

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  17. This is so great, you're so right. This is definitely something I need to do, being single doesn't mean I'm ever alone. God is right there with me seeing watching and listening all the time.

    x leah symonne x

    www.itsleli.com

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    1. Girl, it's something that I need to do (and then re-do) all the time so you're most definitely not alone in that! :) And like you said, God really is with us all the time. The word singleness lends itself to being alone, but like you said, we're most definitely not! Especially when God's given us each other for support and friendship, too. :)

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  18. I am so proud of you! there is always that next step where we feel like we are just in the waiting time. but GOd has a plan for today! i love this Truth and it is applicable in all stages of life!

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    1. Thanks, friend! It really is something that I'm learning I need to surrender everyday but it's also something that I'm learning is easier with time. And I love what you said about God having a plan for TODAY. That is so true and something that really does apply to all stages in life!

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  19. these are sweet words for my heart to hear! i've been thinking about this some and totally agree with everything you said! we can't keep "waiting"..we have to live life in the here and now. we have to keep moving forward, making new friends, surround ourselves with good community, and lots of Jesus.

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    1. YES. We need to fill up the time we have now! It's so easy for me to look forward (or sometimes in the past) and think about those "good" days when everything is perfect. But then I realize how much time I'm wasting dreaming of the future or remembering the past. You've actually always inspired me with your sense of adventure and I really attribute that to living in the present and making the most of today! :)

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  20. Amen! It's almost as if single people hold their breath. When they finally breath, it is merely to gasp for air... My. I must say it was a breath of fresh air to step out of the needy bubble and stand on my own, confident, wanting to grow closer to Christ. I left released from bondage and so many pressures. Yes, some days are hard when most of my FB feed is engagements and weddings, but I can do all things... ;-D

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    1. Ooh, I couldn't have said that better. :) It really is important for us single ladies to realize that we only need God in our lives and that He really does provide. And I also agree with you on FB and social media. This time of year is definitely dating/wedding/engagement season but we can do it and know you're not alone! :)

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    2. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone. Yep, I can be patient.

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  21. praise God, yes.
    girl yes.
    yes.
    and yes.
    we are NOT promised anything...and truthfully i've idolized marriage way too long.
    it's time to stop, and cling to the lord, as you so beautifully said, because He is the only one to give us true satisfaction!
    <3
    thank you for writing this and sharing your heart

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    1. SAME. It is so incredibly easy to turn wants into idols, especially for things like marriage where so many people around us have it and talk about it all the time. But like you said, He is the ONLY one who truly satisfies, provides, and loves us most. :)

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  22. I don't know if this can be a comfort or not, but my husband and I just had a discussion on where we used to be in our "singleness" and where we are now, and let me tell you: there are challenges that we are facing as individuals that we never thought would occur when we were single and looking to the future.

    Marriage fixes nothing. We were broken in our singleness, and we are broken in our togetherness.

    And here's a little vulnerability from a married woman: I sometimes wonder if my faith was stronger when I was single. I sometimes wonder if I rely too much on my husband. If I've lost myself. So, as a couple, we share these thoughts and fight on together, always reaching for the one that can truly fulfill us.

    Strength does not come in the form of a wedding band. It comes in the form of a savior, and that is a lesson my husband and I are still working though, and will probably always work through -- and while that can be difficult to admit sometimes, it's a comfort to know that we have not become completely disillusioned with marriage.

    I'm so thankful to God that you are seeing this through and that you are no longer counting down the days. Your life is beautiful, Kiki, and it is inspiring and it is alive with meaning and strength.



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    1. Mmm. This is good. REALLY good. Even though I am single, I do often wonder about what my life will be like when I'm married (if I get married, that is). I feel like I've finally hit a good spot in my faith and I have wondered/worried if I will lose that and become too dependent on people instead of God. Is it weird that I think about that kind of stuff? :)

      Anyway, I do completely agree with you in that marriage or a wedding band does not bring true happiness, life, and strength. It really is all about God and it's times like these that I need to remember and cling to that truth!

      And can I just say that I truly admire your honesty with me? It is so easy for me to see married people who are happy, happy, happy 24/7. When people talk about how I need a boyfriend or need to get married and have kids. How I need to put myself out there. And it's people like you that remind me that I don't need anyone. I need God. And it is so encouraging to know that marriage isn't all about flowers and puppy dogs, so to speak. It's a life decision that takes work and commitment.

      You are a gem, my friend. And I am so grateful for your wisdom!

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