July 20, 2015


image via Unsplash.
I've never had a lot of friends. When I was in elementary school, I thought I did, but really, they were just people I hung out with. The people I would actually talk to? The people I could bravely share my opinions with? I could count all those people on one hand.

Does that mean I was a loner? Possibly, if you're thinking from the mind of an extrovert. But as an introvert, I'm all about a few great friends. I actually used to think there was something wrong with me because I wasn't popular and had/have a hard time sharing my life verbally.

But I digress. When it comes to making friends, I've learned that it's MUCH harder than I ever would have imagined. Now that I'm in the work-world, I no longer have classes to meet new people. No more ice breaker games, no more group projects, no more school assignments to chat about after class.

So has much changed since childhood? Not really, actually. I mean, I still don't have many friends. I have friends, but not many people I can call or text and have girls' night with.

Am I saying this for sympathy? No. I'm simply sharing my thoughts because making friends is hard for me; and I think it's something that I'll have to put extra thought, time, and energy into if I want more. And I hope that it's something that other people understand, too.

So when I read this post on From Roses, I knew I wasn't alone. And that while it's something I want to change, it's also something that isn't something we should be afraid of admitting. It's something that we just have to work towards to change.

What are YOUR thoughts on friendship? Is it hard for you to meet new friends? If not, where do you meet new people and how do you cultivate the relationships? Do you have a big group of friends? Do you consider your blog friends a part of your group of friends? If you want to know my answer, I most definitely DO!


  1. I think it's hard for anyone to make new friends. I am a pretty big extrovert, but that doesn't mean I don't get nervous going up and talking to people I don't know. Plus, it can be hard to make a connection! Not everyone is going to hit it off and become best friends.
    I'm dealing with this a little bit in our new house. I want to meet our neighbors! Not that we'll be friends necessarily, but I should know the people I'm living next to. But how do you meet your neighbors?
    I think just being open and inviting is the best way to meet new people in general. Small talk is annoying, but you have to start a conversation somehow... I consider some of my blog friends real friends. I have a few I definitely feel comfortable really sharing stuff with. Others aren't quite at that level (yet).

  2. I really like coming across posts like these, because I can really relate. I've always been really shy and introverted so it's really hard for me to want to put myself out there. I think it's even harder to make and keep friendships as a grownup because we're all so busy, that time slips by.

  3. I read the article you linked to and I have to agree 100% that watching some friendships end because of adulthood and life changes is one of the toughest and strangest thing to happen in life. My friends from school and I are all mostly friends on FB and we kind of keep up/say hello if we run into each other around the holidays, but they were a part of my DAILY LIFE for years and now it's almost as if they don't really exist.

    I've made more friends in my 20's than any other point in my life. For me, all of these connections have started because of Christ. He comes up in conversation with a stranger, or we find out that we're both Christians, or we're at some kind of Christian/church event. I met these people going on vacations, traveling for my student teaching, and helping out. I have realized that I am SURROUNDED by people that I call dear friends. Many of my friends came by way of friends of friends that I made in those times and situations.

    When I hear about how making friends as an adult is hard, I've often wondered if God blessed me with so many friends for a certain season. I know that MEETING people as an adult is nothing like childhood, but at the same time, I haven't really struggled with it yet.

    And yes...Blogging friends are DEFINITELY friends!!!! :)

  4. When you figure out how to connect with your neighbors, I'd love to hear about it!!!!

    Is it weird to invite someone to dinner over the fence or down at the mailbox?!?!? I'm really not sure!

    I'm thinking your baby will be a HUGE ice breaker eventually! :)

  5. Augh. I'm right there with you. Now that Nate's done with school and we'll probably be moving as soon as he gets a job I'm pretty nervous about having to start completely over in the friend department.

  6. Hi Emma! I am SO glad you commented because it's such a comfort to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with making friends AND to know I'm not the only introvert out there, either.

    One of my greatest struggles is finding the opportunities to meet people and to really put myself out there (like you said). And as you also touched on, it's hard to make friends the older we get because time and life really does slip by. Here's to making friends--blogging friends, included! :)

  7. Sooooooo agree with you on school friendships. My closest school friends and I still keep up and such now and then but like you said, we don't really see each other and it's hard to keep up when you don't see one another every day.

    And how cool to read that most of your friends have been made in your 20's AND because they're based on a connection with Christ. That is awesome, Victoria! And those are the exact friendships I want more of in my life. :)

    p.s. So glad I can call you my FRIEND!!

  8. We'll hang in there together, friend! So grateful for our friendship and for your comments that remind me that I'm never alone--no matter what I'm going through. :)

  9. I only have a handful of friends that I consider true, close friends too. And most have been my friends since high school or even before that. I find it hard to make new friends now. I'm not the best at opening myself up to new friendships--I don't make the time for them and I'm terrible at staying in touch. I hate to use the excuse that life is busy, but the reality is life IS busy and it's hard enough to keep in touch with the people I'm already close to. But YAY for blog friends, I do consider them my "real" friends too :)

  10. I think the older we get, the more difficult it becomes to build new and deeper friendships. I think when we're in college, it's so much easier to get out and make new friends (especially if you live on campus) because there are always events going on where lots of people are gathering who are in the same phase of life as you. It feels like once we enter the working world, everyone is in a different phase of life - some starting new jobs, some getting married, and some having children. I think it's great to have friends who are all in different life phases from whom we can gather wisdom, but it's difficult because there is less time and (what may feel like) less in common.

  11. You pretty much stated my dilemma in the most beautiful way possible. :) I never really thought about the pre-organized activities/events that allow you to meet new people--that's one of the things that I struggle with most (that is, finding places to meet people that aren't like bars or something like that).

    And I also liked what you said about having friends in different life stages because it is so true! Once friends get married, have kids, etc., it really does make scheduling that much harder, too.

  12. It's true, life IS busy--and it's hard to make time for friends when we have other responsibilities that can take precedence (i.e. work, family, etc.). :)

    And I love what you said about finding it hard to open up to new friendships--I have that SAME struggle. I really cannot open up like I do on my blog when I'm talking. I need to really feel comfortable with people (not in large groups, of course!) before I can really open up, and it takes a long time for me to get to that point.

    So glad you understand AND that we're blog friends!

  13. Thanks Kiki, I'm glad we're blog friends too!! :)

  14. Same, same, same, same, same. Thanks for sharing this, I'm exactly the same way.

  15. I definitely have a smaller number of friends now that I'm older. I had a lot of friends in school when it was easier to hang out and see each other... but now friendships take a lot more effort. It's super sad, but it's life I guess.

  16. You're right, it was MUCH easier to see each other and hang out when we were younger. Part of me wishes life was still like that, and yet, I'm grateful that I've grown up and don't have to deal with cliques and stuff now! :)

  17. Thank YOU for reminding me I'm not alone for this--thank goodness for blogging and blog friends! :)

  18. You didn't consider people you just hung out with to be friends? I definitely would. I would say that it is easy for me to meet people - it was easier in college, but it's still relatively easy now (say yes to everything social event you can), but that most of my friendships are fairly shallow. I have probably four really close friends who I'm comfortable being completely vulnerable with. And you know what? This works for me. I like being out and about a whole lot, but I'm also really private and don't like opening up to very many people.

  19. I consider the people I hang out with friends, but when I was younger, the people I *thought* I was friends with really weren't my friends (especially after I learned later on that they made fun of people in that group when they weren't there).

    Nowadays, I do consider the people I hang out with friends--I guess I just have different levels of friends--the ones that I can talk about ANYTHING with and then the ones where I struggle with opening up for whatever reason (likely because we don't know each other that well yet). :)

  20. friendships are hard to make and hard to maintain the older you get.
    you're right, we're not in these new environments all of the time to meet new people and be challenged and put ourselves out there - it's harder to interact and really step out of our comfort zones - one of the many reasons i love blog world, it takes the "edge off" of making friendships haha.
    BUT i am an extrovert (well, on most days), so it is a little easier for me to put on the brave face and just make it happen.
    hugs friend.
    keep praying for those people to walk into your life, the Lord is faithful.

  21. I completely agree with you on the blogging thing--it definitely takes the edge off of making (and maintaining!) friendships. Through all of this, I've learned that I have friends and maybe they're the people I need to focus on right now; in face-to-face conversations AND the blogworld, too!

  22. Thanks for sharing your heart on this matter.

    I will pray God will send you some good friends. Do you consider your sisters your close friends? I'm just wondering because mine are some of my closest friends and I'd add them to my friend list.

    I've actually started a post about friendships but I need to fine tune it. I think I've learned through the years that having close friends is a gift and I also think it is important. Right before I moved to Myanmar, I had a blogger share an article with me about keeping 'core friends'. It talked about having 1 or 2 people that have known you since you were young to help you through the good and bad times of life.

    Living in Myanmar is the first time I've been apart from one of my 'core' friends and I will admit it has been emotionally challenging for me but yet I know that The Lord has me right here for a reason. So I'm learning to be content with where I am at.

    Thanks again for sharing your heart with us about this!

  23. I do consider my sisters (and entire family, really!) as friends. At moments we get on each other's nerves, but I actually really do loooove hanging out with them and am so grateful we have each other!

    And I loved what you said about having core friends. I don't think I'll ever have TONS of friends (that's just not the person I am) but I am hoping to meet more people here and there, too. What I've realized this week is that I have friends and maybe God's calling me to really cultivate and deepen the ones I've got right now. It was one of those moments where I realized that I need to appreciate what I've got, not just want more--if that makes any sense!


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