I am and will always be one of those girls who wants clear answers. I want to know what happens to characters after the credits start rolling in movies (which is why I'll often come up with an epilogue in my mind), I loved my teaching classes because I learned why and how certain math processes work, and I also want clear answers as to why things do and do not work.
Not too long ago, I found myself yearning for an answer to a present situation. I wanted clarity, understanding, and closure. I wanted God to just give the answer to me, even though I feared what His answer was.
I don't do this too often (aka EVER), but I'm going to share an excerpt of one of my prayer journal entries. All pure, honest and raw emotions. Not written well, but written from the heart.
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As hard as it is for me to even write this, I am choosing to accept not knowing and accept the unknown. You ask me to embrace the unknown and trust when it comes to the future and I am now choosing to do the same with the present and past. I realized it's easier for me to accept the unknown in terms of the future because I have hope. I don't always feel that way with past and present situations. But there is still hope--that hope is YOU. A hope for peace that surpasses all understanding.
It feels odd because every part of my mind wants and yearns for clarity and answers. But I'm realizing that sometimes no answer is THE answer, it's just not the answer I may be looking for.
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And it was in that moment of journaling that I realized three things. First, I need to surrender. Secondly, I need to place my hope in Him. And thirdly, I need to accept His answers as answers, even if they don't fit my mold.
Because isn't that what faith is all about? Trusting, surrendering, and remembering that God is in control and that His plans are good.
And that sometimes, the unknown is beautiful.