February 5, 2018

FICTION | LETTING GO.

Photo by Aidan Meyer on Unsplash
Note: Sometimes I dabble in a little fictional writing when I have a spare time. My dream has always been to write a book, but I'm the absolute worst at maintaining and developing a story line and plot. So instead, I've committed myself to writing fiction here and there and when the time comes to create a full story, I have no doubt the plot will arise. You can see more fiction of mine here.

Her heart swelled. Every time she came across a wedding or engagement photo on her Instagram feed, every time she saw couples peck each other on the cheek, it hurt. It stung like a paper cut, really. At first, she could smile through it, but then the painful burn entered the bottom of her heart and there wasn't a band-aid big enough to make it feel better.

It had been a few years since her last relationship, if you could even call it a relationship. The last guy she dated wanted surface-level commitment and she had a hard time forgiving herself for the compromises she made because of it. She wanted more from him, craving emotional intimacy more than the physical intimacy he wanted. She wanted a commitment, he wanted a casual fling. Neither knew it at the moment, but she knew it as soon as they ended things.

She couldn't let go of him, though. It was like a bad addiction, a habit she just couldn't break. She saw him in the faces of people nearby--the waiter at a restaurant, a police officer walking down the street, the guy who bagged her groceries at the store.

He was here, there, everywhere. She didn't want to admit it, she didn't dare say it out loud, but she wanted him back, even though she knew he wasn't good for her. She missed his cologne, his laugh and voice, the way his lips felt on hers. And she missed the way he made her normally tense self laugh with ease.

She was still broken inside but she didn't let anyone know it. She kept it from her family and even her best of friends. She didn't want to sound like a broken record and didn't want to become to sorry case in the crowd. So she kept quiet. She put all her time and energy into her classes and studies during the day. But in the evenings, the pain returned and she let her thoughts consume her heart and mind.

Her friends told her to put herself back out there again, but she was wary, at best. She didn't want her heart broken again. She didn't want to fail at another relationship. She didn't feel like she could trust anyone--especially with her now fragile heart.

She hated the unknown and letting go of him--once and for all--would mean entering into another season of unknowns. Would she ever have a relationship again? Did they make the wrong choice?

Why did things fall apart as quickly as they came together?

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© IN ITS TIMEMaira Gall