WHEN ANXIETY HITS.

Last week, I found myself stuck in between fear and anxiety. And it was one of those times when I knew and could feel I was anxious but didn't know what to do to get out of it. Anxious thoughts consumed me and I felt weakened by anxiety's debilitating power.

Maybe you've felt that way before? 

I'm grateful to be at a place in my relationship with God where I will openly share everything with Him. And by everything, that means every single fear, every single emotion, and every single frustration, even if it's frustrations with Him (aka His plans and timing). 

Growing up, I thought that complaining to God was like whining and that He didn't want to hear it. And while I don't want to preach and encourage whining, I know that He wants me to be honest and if He already knows how my heart feels, there's no need to hide it from Him. In fact, I think it's more important to present those feelings to Him than let them fester and then have come out onto those around us. 

Anxiety is a funny thing. For me, it almost always stems from fear and a lack of (or desire to) control. If I lack control of my circumstances, then I start to make up stories about what could happen or what I think will happen. And one little anxious thought can open the floodgates, inviting all different kinds of sins into my life. It's like a whole gang of party crashers that invade my heart and mind. And I think that's just God's way of reminding me that when I let fear and anxiety take control of me, I'm wayyyy more vulnerable to turn to my sinful temptations because I've been weakened by the weight of sin.

So I brought it to Him. Not because I wanted to as much as I knew I HAD to. It wasn't a matter of if, but when. And I openly told Him that anxiety was taking over and that I wasn't strong enough to fight it off. 

I went to bed that night thinking of things I should be doing to combat those anxious feelings. How I wish I was stronger and a better Christian. But I fell asleep with worship music playing in my ears and woke up the next morning with such a strong sense of peace, fully knowing that God was fighting for me and in this moment, all I needed to do was rest in Him. 

I'm still combating the fear and anxiety every. single. day. And I don't honestly think it's something I'll fully escape while here on earth. But the best help I've found is practicing awareness. Specifically, trying to be more aware of when those feelings start to creep in. Once I feel them coming, I've been using prayer, exercise, music/podcasts, and gratitude to fight them off. 

It's definitely easier said than, done, but then again, nobody said that this life would be easy and I'd much rather work to fight them off than let them take over and win.