These kinds of posts are some of my favorite. The raw, in-the-moment posts that get published without a second glance (aka without any editing or proofreading). It's these kinds of posts that let the words flow through my fingers without worry or fear of what others may think.
I have a lot of thoughts about these times in this pandemic. I have good days and hard days and yet the emotion I've had linger longest is impatience. It's been really hard for me to sit in this season--to fully (and completely) enjoy the stillness and slower pace of life. I realize that this comes from a place of privilege and I am repeatedly humbled and convicted to remember and acknowledge that there are people in this country and around the world who do not have the privilege of or the ability to social distance right now. But in my current season, this wait is proving to be harder than I thought.
For a hot minute (or a week, if I'm being honest), I also struggled with loneliness. Don't get me wrong, I'm here with my parents and sisters (and new pup!) right now, but even as an introvert, I miss social interactions with the kids in my classroom, the community at my church, and the co-workers I teach alongside. I've become a lot more extroverted with age, apparently! When a co-worker pointed that out, my initial reaction was to deny it, but it's true. Life has brought me to a place where I recharge both alone and with people as well. Anyone else feel that way?
There have also been moments (as I'm stuck at home working from a computer) where I've realized how important it is to move my body and get fresh air. As a teacher, I was used to (and now miss) constantly moving around my classroom, going outside to monitor recess, and just getting to walk around. Now that I'm working from home, I've made it a priority to take breaks to move my body (up and down the stairs, to get more water, or to open my window) just to change things up every now and then.
Speaking of which, I am finally adjusting to this work-from-home set-up. I'm able to sleep in a little longer and have slower mornings--something I never took the time or had the time to do pre-COVID-19-life. I miss getting to see the kids in-person, but I've come to enjoy live-streaming preschool (crazy world we live in right now, right?). I guess you could call it a good filler for the time being.
And with less time with friends and more time at home, I'm finding more time to prioritize myself. As a Type Nine on the Enneagram, it's easy for me to prioritize others' needs and desires above my own but being in the company of myself now, I'm finding it easier and I'm also making more time to be introspective. My prayers have been more frequent and I've gained a lot more clarity for myself when before, I used to let too many voices in and didn't listen for or ask for God's first and foremost. This season has allowed me to truly let go of parts of my past (which I've been struggling to do for the past few months and for some things, a year!) and move forward in faith that God knows what's best for me.
All that aside, can I also just say that I'm praying for grace and love for you right now? As someone who's stuck at home with my family, there have been some really trying moments. I'm beyond grateful that I don't have to stick these stay-home orders by myself but one of the things that truly scared me most was actually being at home 24/7 with my family. I'm not going to lie, family is great but it's also hard (someone please agree with me on this!). I love my family to pieces, but there are also times when we drive each other crazy...because we're family. So when I first started working from home, I made it a point to ask and seek grace for myself and for my family so we could make the most of our time together. And honestly, that's a prayer I continue to pray and a prayer I continue to see answered as we've (knock on wood) have been doing really well together...for the time being.
How are you, friend? What's life like this season? What's the same? What's different? What are you learning right now? I'm praying for your health and safety and am sending virtual hugs your way!
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