July 5, 2023


   Dear June, 

 I'm currently sitting at my desk, chair backwards, listening to a podcast, and typing in the dark, with the light of my desk lamp illuminating my keyboard. The fan is blowing air at my back and I'm sipping on some iced tea with lemon and a squeeze of agave syrup. 

 Life is moving and it is hard to believe that we're already halfway through 2023. There is a part of me that wants to speed through this year and another part of me just wishes it would all slow down. But life goes on. I'm trying to savor this season of in-betweens as I prepare for the next step but to tell you the truth, it's not the most comfortable. I

'm having a lot of serious future-oriented questions and when I let my mind overthink, I tend to head towards an anxious state. I have to remember what my therapist said - to notice the worries and the fears, say hello to them, and then let them pass. The "let them pass" part is easier said than done. 

I'm also learning to trust myself right now, too. To trust in my decisions, to trust in my body, and to trust in the people in my life, too. I went on a work retreat in June and most of our team went to an aerial park. We were clipped into harnesses and got to walk amongst the trees on various bridges, platforms, and swinging walkways (aka tightropes). 

The course instructors/supervisors told us that it's 20% physical and 80% mental - and it was just that. My mind wanted to veer towards fear, but I wanted to say that I did this - because I knew that I could. If I paused too long, I leaned into fear and hesitated. 

But when I went for it? It was so much easier than I first thought. My body was able to do it and I didn't let fear win. I'm beginning to see that my mind needed that challenge more than my body did.

June provided more moments of learning and trust - in conversations, in pushing myself to run a bit longer/faster or up a steep hill, doing an allergy test (because yes, that peanut allergy is definitely still there!), and finding resources and books on having tough conversations. 

Aside form that, there were also moments of great joy and ease - waterfall hikes, strawberry picking with my mom, a beach trip with my boyfriend and his dog, plus naps and wearing sundresses and sandals. 

June was hard, but it was also really, really good.

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© IN ITS TIMEMaira Gall